Sunday, November 2, 2003
So I went hiking today. I realized that I had stopped. I mean I was walking but I felt my life had really just stopped. I have no ambition and so everything I do will end eventually. I will find myself sitting in some kind of dark corner away from the world. Nothing will interest me anymore...I will just sit there and that will be it, no more will I live for anything or care about anything. Staring at nothing and into nothing. I do not know what I want and if I did I dont know if i would pursue it. I am not scared though, some how i know that this is what i was always meant for me. It seems so right, so who i am that i can not resist it. i dont know how to resist things anymore. I dont know how to hold my stomache in, or push my hair behind my ears. Not even how to swallow. And my will or the lack of it is the only thing i see. Its limp like cooked pasta.

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