So...Brene Brown...The Gifts of Imperfection

There's soo much. Too much. Here is what I can say. Her research and theories and conclusions accurately define me. So ACCURATELY that I want to run and hide and stop facing them. 
It's hard to just pick one quote, this whole book needs to be read.

Shame and love are grounded in vulnerability and tenderness. pg 25

What does this mean for my future? How much pain will I have to go through to get to the other side? What will the other side look like? What or who will I lose along the way?

These are all questions of fear. The fear is rooted in shame.
I'm not asking myself what I will gain. I'm not accepting myself now and that will be the journey to 'wholeheartedness', living with my whole heart.
I've lost my ability to be vulnerable (or maybe I never fully had the ability) and because of that I have become disconnected from those around me and my authentic self.

Just thoughts, many many many many thoughts. The first of many many many thoughts that will be thought about a lot for my whole life but especially as this process continues.

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http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

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Shits been going on.

Also they've updated blogger in my absence. I've been farting around with another blog I thought of starting a while back on Wordpress, whose platform I prefer, so I've neglected this blog. I mean clearly there's more to it than that.

I started therapy again. My therapist prescribed homework this last session 1) read this book and watch this T.E.D. Talks 2) Journal.

So Here I am Journaling. I've only been to three sessions but I already feel like I'm coming up for air or really that I'm just seeing things more clearly. It's like I found some stuff out about myself last time, then I threw an old sweater over it and forgot what I had discovered. I also am quite sure I cut myself short last time, I thought I could just move forward but I still didn't have it all quite sorted out. I don't think I ever will and maybe therapy will just be this ongoing thing and that's totally cool.

I don't know if I'm ready to divulge much about it. I just wanted to get in here and write something, anything. Maybe it's just that I feel like there's too much and I need to go back and some how write it all here. Maybe this absence ties in to other things that I'm rediscovering.

Shits been going on.

I'm at that place where I'm ready to move forward in so many ways but I'm just a wee bit stuck at the moment and I thank all those, especially Drack, for their support in letting me find my own way.

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