Extremely relevant music.

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Little did I know it takes two wise people, when it comes to self growth.
One person to come up with advice, for yourself. The other person to tell you to take it.

I think for a long time I've been pushing myself, assuming I'd figured everything out. I am so NOT done learning about myself, I have only just started a massive undertaking. It's going to be hard as hell. And I don't have to be alone, although it is me and mine, it is my growth, it isn't solitary.

Regardless, I have to start simple. Grab a hold of the things I can change. Yes I've made big sweeping decisions, but I've forgotten about the meantime. I've lost my way, this time in the clouds and not in the depths. Lost track of my compass.

Become real again. Where it's not just knowing, it's believing. Putting umph behind the feelings, getting in touch with them again, getting them to register again. Tender care is needed for this years new sprouts, help them to grow solid roots.

Take care of number one, before number two, and that will make three...and no I'm not talking about poop or babies.

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Faith on a whisper.

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Snippets from the journal

To understand what I'm trying to say, I suppose you may have had to read one of Marion Zimmer Bradley's Avalon books. There's a certain familiarity that causes me to think in terms of reincarnation, but not necessarily so complete, it's like deja vu, but less haunting, more like soaking in a warm tub. It just feels extremely familiar, as if it's always been in me, or he has always been in me, a present hidden in the closet saved till the right Christmas morning. Maybe I've only been fine tuned to recognize cosmic feelings like this, because Bradley's books helped to define what I find I'm looking for in relationships at a critical time in my life.

I kept complaining about rain last week, when we baked in a late summer heat wave. Never have my prayers been answered when I asked...it's a rather wimpy storm though...

What I cannot have right this second, please push the play button.

Autumn leaves, bottle cap furniture, waffles and pecan pie, scooters and camper vans, fire, skin, lips and eyes, cats and mornings, patience.

All things happen as they are supposed to, but what is around the bend I want so damn badly.

To know what it's like again, to make things real again. To be able to give it that opportunity to grow.

I've opened a door, but I cannot go in, I am forced to look through the window.

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