I haven't written anything in a while, and no it's not because I'm reading New Moon or anything. I think if I do read New Moon it will be right before the movie comes out, or before I rent it on video. But I really just don't care enough, or want to subject myself to anymore crap. The end of the book was a kind of a pathetic climax, with Bella becoming even more freakishly desperate to the point of annoyance. Oh well, boring topic anyway.

In other news...well I don't really have any other news. I'm broke, until I start getting consistent paychecks. This first one which is half because I started in the middle of a pay period, is all going to bills. Next week I get another one and then I might actually be able to do something I want to, but necessarily need to do, like join the damn gym. Which will fill up an hour in the afternoons after work. I really need that. I figure spend the money, on what's going to be the most rewarding, and make me the most happy. The gym will not only take up time, but mentally I'll feel better, because I'll physically be better. I don't need new clothes, I've already gotten so behind in fashion, there's no real point to trying to catch up. I'll catch up when I actually have a social life, like that will happen.

Work's been going better everyday. I finally got an application I've been asking for added to my computer settings, so I can finally do Tracking without bothering anyone with questions I could easily answer if I had access to the right information. Sometimes I wonder where people's heads are at...I swear I should be an efficiency expert. Anyway... the job isn't as bad as it could be because I'm surrounded with people who keep it entertaining, even if most of them are bimbos boys and girls alike. Apparently late summer is when the law world likes to go on vacation, so we're slow at the moment, and actually caught up. But everyone keeps saying, "be prepared to get slammed". I'm excited, it goes faster when everyone's going crazy trying to get crap done.

Meh most boring post in the world. Oh well, yay for journal entries on the computer instead of my moleskin.

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My First Real "Twilight" Post

First just to clarify. I'm not obsessed with the Twilight saga, yet, even though I am reading it. I mean to say, the book vastly improved at chapter 10, which is 195 pages in. The writing is still deflated lacks texture, or pacing. It's bland while at the same time it obnoxiously details every minuscule l anecdote about how Bella's internal organs feel every time Edward touches her, or what she cooked her dad for dinner. I think the main problem is Bella's character...there's nothing there, all I know about this person is that she's clumsy and awkward. Edward and the other vampires history and personalities are explored more, and that's the only reason the book has improved.

When I first saw the movie, I thought that Kirsten Stewart was the worst actress I'd ever seen. But it turns out, she's just playing the worst character ever invented, and does a pretty good job nailing the weird awkward, 'why does Edward like you' feeling you get after reading the book. Now I have a new found respect for her. I'm surprised that they had so little making out and physical contact, because the book has so much more...but I guess its okay for 13 year old girls to read about making out, but not see it on TV.

I haven't really come across anything that states blatantly, we should refrain from sexual intercourse because we are not married...but they abstain from it because Edward thinks he'd kill Bella if he got to excited, which is kinda legitimate. I do remember reading somewhere that they have sex in a later book so who knows. As far as the feminine argument about whether or not Bella's character further stereotypes gender roles is true also from a certain standpoint. She always needs freaking rescuing, she can literally do nothing well but cook and school work. But so did Frodo Baggins kinda had the same weakness, couldn't really do anything for himself. It annoys me that they are 'in-love' after like 9 hours of alone time, and that they are mostly in love because of 'magical irresistible scent' rather then character.

I say "yet" in regard to obsession, because now I just have to know what happens. I feel weird not finishing the book. But now I want to read New Moon because it will revolve around Jacob, the other interesting character and I'll have to pick which camp to join team Jacob or team Edward. Plus the more I read the easier it is to read it, because I'm now used to the boring sentence structure and descriptions, so I may easily forgive Meyers and become a fan for the sake of having something to do. That honestly hasn't happened yet, but we'll see I'm not even finished.

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At least I'm sleeping. I wake up a few minutes before my alarm. These days, I sleep with my windows open, and in the mornings I can already hear the hum rising up from the LA freeways. I lay there dreading the high pitched tone that will soon pierce the buzzing air. I'm fine once I get out of bed, but there is something so painful about knowing its pointless to go back to sleep, but too early to actually get out of bed.

After work, I get home and I dissolve into television. I picked up Twilight to try to balance mindless TV with mindless reading, but I think Stephenie Meyers' writing might so bad, that it's not acceptable for even mindless brain activities. I miss yelping, I miss writing. I did it so much when I was unemployed. Now I don't have anything to write about, and I'm worried I'll lose what I built up. I'll probably want to write, but I'm worried the need will go away.

Sometimes I look in the mirror at home and I don't even recognize myself. It's not that I've changed in any way. I just look and I think, is that really what I look like? Like I forgot or something. It's really weird. When I look at the mirror at work, all I can think about is how much I don't fit. It's dawning on me, everyday, that I can't just force myself to do meaningless-to-me work. I'm not detail oriented, I get too distracted, and I'm not good at memorization. All things that most office jobs require. It's occurred to me I might feel differently if I actually cared about it, or felt like the work was going to be used for something I care about. It's helping to push me to serious and needed analysis.

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Can't stay awake...guh.

I feel like I'm jet lagged. The sudden shift is great ultimately...but totally shifted everything I did before. No more yelps. I come home take the dog for a walk, watch TV, then I dread the rest of the night.

I can hardly make it past 8 pm. I fall asleep for like an hour...and wake up, when I do, I end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling having mini anxiety attacks till like 3. Then I'm off and on awake asleep till 5, then I'm dead asleep, then alarm at 630. My heaviest sleep is in the morning when I have to wake up.

I'm supposed to be happy. You know I did the math, I'll be making the same amount that I make at the park. The only thing that's better is that it's reliable. But the work is no less mind numbing. I need to go back to school. I'm turning in to those people, who's work is separate from your actual life because you hate it so much. But also the idea of my work and my life being so mushed together doesn't sound appealing either. I guess if it were something...something I felt natural doing...meh. I don't know, I have a massive migraine that's making me dizzy and my thoughts too.

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Yeah I just reached 200 reviews on yelp. Holy crap what happened to my life. I've gained like 15 pounds since I started yelping, and quit the gym. I blame yelp directly for the weight gain. First goal with my new wimpy paycheck, will be to join the gym again. It's not that I'm fat, it's that my toner parts, are now mushy flabby parts. On my frame, it doesn't look normal.

Anyway...I don't really know what else to write about. Oh I've been keeping up in the weather world, and they've just announced that they are officially declaring El Nino. The hot water around Peru, will dry up Australia, but hopefully bring California rain in the next season. I might have moved by then...maybe.

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I miss rain so much it hurts!

On another note, my mother has been meeting with a Realtor about selling the house. Unsurprisingly she gave us a really low number, and examples of other house in the neighborhood that sold for beans. And she assured us, the market it only going to get worse. So let me get this straight, we have a state budget problem where all programs are going to be cut, people can't live in places cause its too expensive, 10% unemployment, and no rain? I'm sorry to say my friends but the state of California is going to shit. Crime will go straight up of course, all the whites are leaving, and the land itself is dying. I mean whatever I don't care about the white people leaving, frankly we've fucked enough shit up already, but now we'll go and fuck shit up in someone else's town. Will it recover quickly. Nah I think this is a 10 year slump. Make a note to yourself, that in 9 years come back and start buying up all the crap property, because it will go back up again. It always does. Now is the time to get out of LA, now is the time to get out of Califoria.

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Although it would be great to leave this wee kitty to explain all that there is to explain, I can't really.

I just got a call from the job that I've been interviewing for. I got the position. I'll be a mail clerk working for a consulting firm that handles major chapter 11 bankruptcy. Am I happy? Am I relieved? No, not really.

I don't really know how to feel about the company. What I do know about the firm is it's owned by Computershare, which owns shit all over the world. Apparently they donate to Change a Life Foundation, which I know nothing about. Most of the companies under Computershare have names which are empty of any meaning to me. KCC seems to just symbolize money moving here and there. Nothing is made by anyone's own hands, its all transfers of power and rearrangement of cubicles.

I'll be a minion working for beans. Apparently there are like 50 people in the mail clerk department. During my interviews most people were wearing flip flops and jeans. I'm not sure if I'm supposed feel like the place is professional, or a beach side internet cafe. Most likely they hire, or target younger people because they know no one could actually live off of $10 an hour in West LA, unless they were students who are also being supported by their parents. I also get the feeling they have a high turnover rate.

ANYWAY, I just have to keep telling myself this is semi-permanent. Something to pay for my damn health insurance, and broken down car so that I can finally get shit done. It's just going to be enough to support me, until hopefully I find something better, or go back to school, or the best option yet, moving to Austin.

Back to the RUT thing. I'm in a rut mostly because I feel like the whole 4 years of time at Humboldt counts for nothing. The park let me down, or rather my boss at the park let me down. Now I've turned into this mutated lame ass couch potato who's forgotten the meaning of hard work, or responsibility since it was never enforced my boss. Hope some good old fashioned corporate ass whooping migth strike some fear into the heart of me, so that I'll finally figure out what the hell I should be trying to do.

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i need serious html help....

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Austin

Yeah I posted that list without really explaining anything about it. Plus I'm sure there are things I haven't added yet...but to be honest those that are on there now, are what I came up with over the past week, and nothing else seemed to pop up, so whatever I did miss probably wasn't a major factor.

Also I have to keep reminding myself that this is all just hypothetical. It could never happen. Even though I keep doing research about Austin, everything from rent to jobs to stores to neighborhoods, I always try to keep, 'it could never happen' in the back of my mind.

Jobs

In other news, I went for a 2nd interview for a $10 mail clerk job. Really a 2nd interview for a job that only pays $10 an hour. You can't even live in LA for that much money. Anyway I think that the woman could tell I really had no interest in the job other then for gaining money. Oh well. I have a hard time in interviews selling the right points about myself no matter how much I practice. I also have a tendency to bring up the worst qualities about myself, or what could be considered bad. Guh either way I find out by Friday apparently. If I don't get the job, I might just go for one of those Campaign to Save the Environment Jobs you see on craigslist all the time, be one of those annoying people who stand outside of Trader Joes getting folks to sign petitions. They pay $10 an hour....see why I'm weirded out by the 2nd interview.

Health

I accidentally made an appointment with the chief of surgery at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica. I just picked the name out of the list on my providers website and called them up. Later I researched the doctor and found out. She's going to take one look at my back and be like, 'PSShhh I should be doing heart surgery, not working on some minuscule pipsqueak'. Although I read she's really great at colon surgery or something. So maybe she'd be like 'this any no colon! leave my presence'. Anyway, I might actually get a doctor to pay attention to me for once.

Yosemite

I kind of went into detail about the negatives of Yosemite, yes there are negatives, in my yelp reviews. I don't really feel like reiterating them here. I will say though, that the weekend went by entirely too quickly. Yesterday I felt like it almost never happened, which was sad indeed. I guess because everything was so rushed, we sped here, sped there, sped home. I'm sure if I stayed longer it may have gotten a chance to sink in more. So I'm going to highlight some of the things that were the best, and leave out the rest:

Pacific Crest Trail: I'm really tempted to get in shape just to do the PCT, even though I'd totally want to take a pack animal, of course my choice would be a llama. Anyway...where we stayed, you really got a sense of the trail community that develops each year. And June happens to be the time most folks make to Yosemite on the 2500 mile trip. Guh so much training for that, I don't know the first thing about one over night backpacking trip forget several months. And if I go to Texas, yeah, totally much harder thing to plan for.

Geography & Geology: The entire time I was there, I couldn't look at a rock, or a tree, or a cliff without trying to figure out which way a glacier passed through, what kind of rock it was, where the weathering was occurring etc. Haynes, Cunha and BoMac's lectures kept floating around in my head. I kept imagining what a field trip with them would be like in Yosemite. I miss school soooo much sometimes it hurts.

National Park Service: I came into contact with a lot of rangers, and volunteers and interns and who knows who else that Yosemite employees, which must number in the 1000 range. But it was interesting to see how a major park operates. I mean Santa Monica has a huge staff too, but their problems focus primarily on humans living within the park, while Yosemite really focuses on how to get tourists in and out and bears. I mean those are really really really big generalizations. Anyway, Yosemite has either been forced to deal with the volume of tourists, and responded by making the valley like a freaking theme park resort, or someone thought they should do that anyway, fuck the nature. This may seem kinda draconian, but seriously, people should only be allowed in if they can pass a test. That would help cut out the retards, obese children, asshole red necks, and cut down on the amount of car traffic. Questions should be asked like: Do you drink Budweiser with your shirt off while walking to see Bridalveil falls? Do your children run around places that are undergoing restoration? Do you have any idea what a glacier is? Do you drive a hummer? You get my point right? If Yosemite ever decided to limit visitors, I would be in favor.

The 395: Like I said in my yelp reviews, the 395 is my second favorite after the 101. I mean the more I explore the 395, the more it may become an equally favorite. I haven't been up the entire thing to the end of California like I have with the 101. But every time I find myself on it, it seems to leave an incredible lasting impression. There are so many things to stop and see along the way. The White Mountains, which are home to the oldest trees in the world, the Bristle Cone Pine some 5000 years old, lie to the east of the 395. There's Manzanaar the Japanese internment camp. You can see Mt. Whitney the freaking highest peak in the Continental USA. The ghost town of Bodhie a silver mining place. SOoooo many things I really want to explore in detail one day lie along the 395.

In conclusion, you really should see Yosemite at some point in your life. But do NOT come during the high summer months. If I ever come back it will be fall or winter. You really should see the sites, even though they'll be dampened by the overcrowdedness.

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