I finally figured out how to get my 'line breaks' back in to blog posts...phew.

I am surrounded by amazing women. Sometimes I fantasize about writing a novel involving women healers. It sounds rather cliche. Besides it would probably end up being too funny. Massage therapists working a place of power, who wield the ability to manifest their own destiny and heal the public with alternative voodoo medicine.

2nd Street is actually very pretty at Christmas time.

Vata season is kicking my ass. Luckily Drack and I have been offered a new mattress, that won't leave our shoulders and elbows bruised in the morning. A few weeks ago I was waking up with migraines everyday, and RF switched me from trikatu, or rather a kapha blend of herbs to a hingvastak a vata blend of herbs 3 times a day to cool my body down. No headaches since. I also saw Meadows, which means I've had another release and I may have the same reaction to my last few-headaches. She also tested me for thyroid and adrenal issues, of which I'm taking a week long regimen of licorice root to help restore some balance. I also picked up a blend of herbs that Life Spa calls Anxiety Free to calm my nerves-which I feel like I'm ignoring. I should begin to sleep through the night again, and wake up feeling like I actually did sleep. She also suggested more craniosacral sessions, the last one of which did make me an inch taller - massage and body work truly is amazing.

I've been very interested in natural remedies for flu/cough since Drack has the flu at Thanksgiving. About a teaspoon of ground Turmeric mixed in hot water with honey and lemon is an amazing mucus liquifier. Another thing that really helped him was leaning his head over a steam bath with a few drops of eucalyptus oil and breathing deep-cleared him up for hours. I also convinced him to take an epsom salt bath to relieve aches and pains and help pull out the sickness. And also he drank tons of warm water, but also coconut water helped to replenish nutrients he was flushing out. I think mostly though he needed to stay in bed and rest, which he didn't do enough of-but he was better within a 4-5 days, without the use of ridiculous over the counter drugs.

Winter is lame, the sun sulks along the horizon, all pissed off and everything is asleep. Nashville is really just not as pretty in winter as it is all of the other seasons.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough pretty in my life, and it makes me miss hills and mountains where I can plainly see unobstructed pretty views. I mean surprisingly Nashville is quite hilly, but it's not the same. I need to find an outcrop that looks for miles around in every direction without a damn tree or house in the way. Drack's folks got us one night a lovely B&B that they frequent just an hour south of here with a water fall out it's back door. We're planning to go in the Spring perhaps when there's a chance for wild flowers, but I could seriously stand to get out of here sooner. We've been talking a lot of our perspective trip to California and whether making it up to Humboldt is a reality. It's not looking so at the moment. I just feel like it's pointless to go back if I'm not going to spend more time in the state as a whole, I'd rather visit some place I've never been. No offense to those who are in LA - but it just doesn't sound like an escape to me.

Most likely my next post will be in the New Year, huzzah!

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An interesting article about Vitamin D and why I am currently taking it.

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An interesting article about Gluten.

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So I've been watching as all the wonderful fall leafs swirl around in the wind on our brown front lawn. Around the city fall is ove. Freezing nights and darkness at 4:30 has really turned things around. I'm off Manjistha and now taking Ashwagandha. If I eat any more yams and carrots I might turn orange. Looking over the winter grocery list I find most of my favorite foods are on it, thank you. However probably the most significant change is no wheat. I've noticed a great change in my digestion. On Friday Drack was coming down to meet me for lunch and he was supposed to bring some soup. Poor guy got stuck in traffic and thought he wasn't going to make it, which left me with no other choice then to hurry next door and get a sandwich. At the time I didn't know the new sandwich shop offered gluten free bread, so I ended up with a big tasty hoagie roll...of wheat. After not having had any since Monday morning, I felt like it just stuck there, suspended in my stomach, not moving. I realize how much, what's the right word, lighter I feel not eating wheat products. I don't feel slow, I feel like things are moving in my body. I'm interested to see how my tummy feels to Meadows when I go back on Thursday. Strangely though I've had a migraine since doing Yoga on Thursday night. I spoke with RF about this on Friday and she is beginning to think that as soon as I am loosen up, adjust, my body (most likely at night) tenses up again all over. I wake up noticing my shoulders are scrunched up in my ears. I'm literally ruining all the work done to me. I need to find some kind of balance. Some way to keep myself from old habits. Hell I need to hire someone to hold my shoulders down when I'm in bed. I just want to take the time to say it's the month of gratitude. And I've got more things to be thankful for this year than ever before.

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I went to a chiropractor on Monday. I've never been to one before and I was on the new client wait list for two months to see this particular one, apparently the best in Nashville. Since I've never been, I'm not sure what is standard for a chiropractor, but I feel like Meadows went a little farther than most. She examined me and we discussed my medical history for about 30 minutes, before she made any decisions. I walked up and down the hallway a few times, lay on my side, on my back, on the floor. She poked and prodded, pinched my spine, tested reflexes, tested muscles. She used a model spine and pelvis to show me what she observed. I have all the symptoms of someone with a curved spine, except when I bend over my spine is not curved at all. My hips are twisted up and forward, which is why my right leg turns out when I lay flat on my back. Meadows examined my belly and my skull, and she was displeased with both, which led to some muscle testing. While lying on my back, I held her 'voodoo jars' (as she affectionately calls them) in my left hand, and tried to resist her pushing down on my left arm. The jar with wheat left me completely weak. So as part of my list of homework between that session and my next, I am to go gluten free. She hopes to feel changes in my belly as a result. As for my head, she showed me how to massage the inside of my jaw by basically rubbing the back of my jaw inside my mouth. Apparently my jaw is where a lot of my neck pain maybe coming from, as it is a place to hold anxiety. She prescribed yoga, but for the places I cannot stretch on my own, massage and a craniosacral session. Which I just did last night. Craniosacral is best preformed by those LMTs who have gone through certification classes beyond what is taught in school. It's a complete overhaul on your central nervous system by releasing parts of your body with energy and a shit ton of patience and very little physical work. I was able to stay partially clothed on the table while RG took 45 minutes to preform the 10 steps. It took forever for my left ear, sacrum, and jaw to release, all the places Meadows pointed out to me. On Monday Meadows did an adjustment she would normally do for those folks who were in a recent car accident. "I want to see how your body will react to it, even though your accident was in 2007". I was sent home with instructions, tennis ball massage, jaw massage, specific yoga stretches, wheat free, cranialsacral etc. I have to tell you not eating wheat is very difficult, not to mention that I'm already trying to cut out non-seasonal food anyway. As for the adjustment I feel taller, especially after the cranialsacral as well. I definitely feel, different. That's the best way to describe it. The day after my chiropractic session I was sore as hell, but I did feel a release. I think obviously it takes more than one session to see a major change...but I'm interested to see how this goes.

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I've been meaning to write about massage for months now. I just haven't. It's hard for me to explain that massage really isn't frilly fancy touching and relaxation. When someone for example comes in to see Pa, Ke, or Re they are often times blown away by how they feel after. That's really how you should feel after a massage. I mean some people are zombies, others can move their heads from side to side finally. I've been lucky enough to experience massage from the best sampling of therapists that Nashville has to offer. I'm really not just saying that to promote us, but rather this is something I feel completely confident about after hearing clients talk about their experiences elsewhere. I mean you only have to look at Pa's schedule and 6 person wait list to know there's something special and very different about us compared to elsewhere. To me it's enough to believe in all these crazy alternative medicines. We carry many products that have changed clients lives, and mine. Nasya oil is one...I no longer get nose bleeds or dry throat from the AC and pollen here. Pa says she has not had a sinus infection in two years, she used to get them three times a year. I truly believe that if you treat lifestyle and your body from a holistic view point you can cure multiple symptoms caused by any variety of things. Treating things symptom by symptom doesn't prevent anything, it's just a perpetuating a cycle. That's mostly what western medicine is, you get sick, they conquer it. What about prevention? Many alternative medicine focus on this prevention and maintenance (not to mention most of those are thousands of years old and lasted that long for a reason). When most people think of massage they think it's all muscle, how strong the therapist is. When in actuality it's all a matter of the quality of your therapist. Some therapists, such at Pa who has been practicing for 20+ years have had the experience and luxury of combining all sorts of techniques over time and the experience of working on so many different types of bodies. She's a master at listening to the body, completing what is asked of her and then saying thank you to your body for complying with her therapy. And again it's not just muscle...it's energy. There are specific therapies designed to help people with all sorts of issues, and half of them include the therapist directing energy throughout the clients body. I like to think our therapists are witch doctors. I'm not afraid to say they do magic still based in science in many ways. We've forgotten a long time ago how to listen to our bodies and others. If you just listen you can tell what's wrong with your insides. Pa worked on me the other day, and commented on my spleen feeling full. She released the lymphs around it and the fluids moved on their own. Apparently the spleen is a place where folks like to keep all their worries and stress. I'm not going to go as far as saying I was particularly worried that day, but I am in general an anxious person and that makes sense to me. Half the time the therapists and Re (owner and ayurvedic consultant) can help me pinpoint what my body is trying to tell me just by listening to what I have to say and seeing where that fits in emotionally, physically and even environmentally. You feel different during different seasons based the foods and supplements you are eating, the weather changing, the air you are breathing. Even the temperature of your food makes a difference. If you are ever in the position to get real therapeutic massage regularly, I say invest and for heaven's sake do your research. Find a licensed therapist(s) who is hard to get booked with, has got some experience, and a wide knowledge of the different therapies out there. Approach your body from a holistic view point. Combine therapies such as acupuncture, chiropractic sessions and varied exercise. Pay attention to the seasons, what you eat, when how, why? But above all listen to your body, and if you don't know how meet someone who knows how.

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An Evolution of Thought

I don't remember how to make friends. I went through a period of having very close friends, to shutting myself in a needy fortress and spent countless hours in a dumb computer game. I think I mean to say, it's been so long since I made friends with someone in person, that I can't do it anymore. In other ways I feel like I'm letting things tie me down. In some ways I feel like the tone of Nashville changed when we moved in to this house. Almost like this house has some part to play in my sluggishness. I am never satisfied after I clean it. It always seems to need more, all the kitchen cabinets need to be torn out and replaced, the tub re-enameled, the floors replaced...and those are things I cannot do. I sometimes regret rushing in to this house. And it's not a good feeling to be in an environment you don't quite feel good in. In some ways I don't think I realize that I live with someone now. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think I'm taking it too lightly, when really I should realize the gravity of the situation. I think because I have lived with someone before, I assume it's easy. But in many ways it's not. You become very aware of the other person, you cannot possibly hide. Then I'm hard on myself, 'get over it', 'do something about it'. I don't know what happened to my courage. Did I have any to begin with? If anything I think I've lost passion...things just unfold on auto-pilot. Sometimes I think there might be something wrong with some of my brain chemistry...other time I think it's because I'm not doing anything particular with my life, I mean activity wise-which could be why the first three paragraphs in the post exist in the first place. You create who you are, I do believe that, but I think I've lost a sense of trusting it. Maybe the problem is that I don't really know what's causing it. This is vaguely familiar of the last time I felt this way. It was frustrating, frightening, but I did push past it. A few weeks ago we went for a walk at Radnor. It was the most alive I've felt in a long time. I felt completely refreshed. You see that weekend TS Lee moved up from the gulf and poured down on middle Tennessee. It went from 90+ to 60+ degrees, it drizzled all day and a walk in the rain is probably the most renewing thing I know to do. In the woods it felt like Northern California. That rainy weekend signaled the start of the seasons changing and here we are on the eve of Fall. It's no longer unbearable being outside, in fact it's practically perfect. I'm hoping I can take on this challenge of figuring out what's wrong. I'm hoping I can. I'm so silly, because I have the most amazing, supportive and unconditionally devoted person in my life right now. But I can't seem to reach out to him, or to anyone. Am I too proud? I think it's more likely that I'm avoiding necessary pain that I would most likely have to go through to get to the grass on the other side. Facing what I am scared of. And in writing this, I already feel 10 times better, because I realize there is nothing to be scared of. There never is. There is only what you want. What you make of something. How many times do you have to learn the same lesson over and over? I think it takes a lifetime. Your demons always, always, come back to haunt you. It's the experiences of each relearning that enables you to fight them back.

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Somethings...

The last time I wrote our roommate moved in, within a couple weeks he moved out.

Our new roommates are furrier, smaller and more noisy. Koufax and Brisby we've decided.

My driver's license now says Tennessee.

I made up our spare bedroom today in preparation for my mother's visit.

I've noticed the difference in my body internally when I eat at scheduled times and hydrate properly throughout the day. There's something to be said for your body working normally.

My body maybe working normally...but I can tell somethings is lacking. Actually it's more like, go to work come home, go to work come home. Interestingly enough boss lady has noticed and is sending me on a vacation for which she is partially paying for. Good god I'm lucky. But that's only a temporary fix, what I really need are activities. For a while my activity was the house, getting the house ready. Now I'm there, I reached every goal I had when I moved here. What is next?

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In some ways we're settled, in others not so much. The heat is upon us here in Nashville...and it's intense. I'm surviving in the AC-less Daewoo but I think it could easily catch up with me. I'm taking all the necessary precautions. Peppermint oil on the nape of my neck, extreme hydration throughout the day and my lunch box ice pack placed at the small of my back. I think I'm somewhat slowed down because of the disrupted routine. I'm unfamiliar with my new neighborhood and therefore have not gone walking yet. There are still things unfinished about the house but it's a step by step thing. Our temporary roommate is moving in and suddenly what was just ours, is now ours plus someone else. It won't be forever though and it's hardly put a damper on some of the more special things I've experienced with someone I love more dearly than anything. I'm reluctant to write about things here, and in some ways I think I've lost the ability to. I think I could benefit from a writing workshop, as I've lost my own capabilities to be more creative. But it could be something deeper, I guess I've lost my innocence and I'm still not letting go completely.

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I have a writing desk of sorts. Actually it’s a giant dining room table, rightfully placed in the dining room of our house. Yes I have a dining room. Yes I have a house. And although I am renting it and although the previous tenants left it in bad shape, it is mine and I am living here now. The other day I was having a discussion with a couple of the girls at work about how sometimes I feel like I can’t quite express my gratitude the way it should really be expressed. What I mean to say is I’m getting everything I ever really wanted when I moved here. It will take a thousand thanks to really show my full appreciation. But I suppose in way I got here myself. There were many people along the way and lot of time spent waiting for the fruition of this goal. And it’s not completely complete. I was telling Drack the other day, the completion of this goal will be when two kitties are running around here. But there are something’s that still need to happen before I can go adopting. The cleaning must be finished and a vacuum must be purchased. Projects beyond that are really past the essentials one needs to survive, such as the bottle cap table, painting this dining room, raising garden beds, creating a patio.

I’ve thought of trying to record some of the stuff I’ve been doing around here but I think ultimately it would be a boring read. Some highlights include the discovery of a bat house in the back yard, no bats yet. I have a red front door, which means many different things. Bleaching blinds removes all kinds of things. Baker’s benches are awesome. Magic erasers are really magically. It is always worth it, even if you’ve saved enough money to buy something new, to visit thrift shops. Drack and I found a commercial grade blender in great shape for $20. Our first meal consisted of hotdogs and miller light before we passed out at 7pm and missed the July 4th fireworks, apparently 3rd best in the country? I’ve got herbs waiting to go in the ornate faux-roman planters out front.

I think in the end what I am most happy about is the prospect of this becoming a true home. I don’t have to tread lightly here. I do what I want when I want. Save, spend, eat, sleep, cook, hang, clean, what I want when I want, how I want.
In the midst of moving and cleaning and organizing I’ve finally finished book 2 of the Song of Ice and Fire series. The depth at with Martin has gotten in to each character, culture and how on earth he’s kept on top of the dozens of characters is beyond me. I’m impressed and for the most part enjoy his style of writing too. Again I’m still having a hard time with following multiple character’s goals and plots, but some are becoming very interesting and the last half of this book really took off and became a page-turner indeed.

Aryurveda took a back seat to the move but most practices still remain. The Kapha digest has really altered my tummy and it’s by far the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long time. I drink warm cups of water everyday and like I’ve mentioned earlier the self massage oil been wonderful.

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I am the luckiest girl in the world! This month is going to be sooooo great! I really can't ask for anything else right now, so Thank You!

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I have truly met some lovely people out here. My coworker from Vanderbilt surprise emailed me last week in regards to his rental. It was right in the middle of one of the more frustrating mornings I was having and I was pleasantly surprised. Drack-a-lak and I went out to see it Friday night. A cute little two bedroom 1930s bungalow in a neighborhood called Inglewood (haha). It has a fenced back yard which is rare in Nashville and a pretty sweet front porch. A gas range stove, which for rentals is also rare. It felt small and cramped but that's because the current tenants are those people who have too many pets, too much stuff and keep the blinds closed. I had a dream about it last night because when I'm anxious I tend to dream about what is at the top of my mind. In that dream I imagined the ugly dark brown paint in the dining room was a butter-cream color and the huge windows in there were open wide. The other awesome deal is that I know my landlord, won't be charged a security deposit and can really do whatever I want to the place. I can paint it, adopt cats no extra, raise some garden planters etc. It's a deal too good to pass up. I gave notice to move in last night and the necessary arrangements will soon be made. Most likely I'll move in sometime after July 1st.

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This is a hard post to start. I've got a lot to say about Ayurveda. Let me preface by saying I think mostly it's because I cannot fully dedicate myself to the regimen. It's hard living in someone's house that is not your own, with their kitchen. I think in order to do Ayurveda you have to have my boss's lifestyle. Which I think is inherently the reason Ayurveda really only works for a select folk. BUT I do believe there are practices and certain things that one can adopt to one's lifestyle without going all the way. Starting last week I've been exhausted (pre-ayurveda) I can't explain why. I think also there may be underlying Caitlin issues involved. But the point of this is when I reduced my intake of food to only three times a day it ravaged my system. I couldn't eat enough food in one sitting to tide me over, resulting in a blood sugar crash before lunch and before dinner cause I hadn't been able to eat enough at breakfast and lunch. I had headaches the past two evenings. However I do feel like the massage oil in the shower is help my rough patches of skin to smooth out, which is lovely.

I have questions about Ayurveda as well. I mean what about marathon runners? What about athletes? What about folks who work through the lunch shift? The answer to that is, they can't really do Ayurveda in the strictest sense. The other thing is, there are plenty of other ways to ingest food across the globe that seem to be working out fine for those people, I mean look at Japan, they live forever! I just think it's really a matter of balancing and taking things from different places that work for you and your body and mind.

Also when one starts the (or any) regimen, I personally believe they should be eased in to it. Giving up all my 'bad habits' in one shot did not work at all. I'm still loosely sticking to the guidelines, while at the same time wondering if some of the herbs are making my exhaustion worse. I slept 15 hours last night and I still feel like sleeping. I have no appetite for talking even, I don't feel cheerful whatsoever and Drack has noticed. Today I felt a glimmer of myself and he said "there's Caitlin". What's wrong with me? I couldn't tell you. We got a major break in the house hunting department and will be checking out a sweet and very cute 1930's bungalow tomorrow (more details about that after then). Even so, I just can't muster the energy to even smile about it. When I think about what affect that may be having on my ability to manifest clients at work, I worry.

At first I thought it was from the stress Drew had been going through last week with the family and stuff. But he's over it and it's really been settled now. Please let this be one of those dumb Caitlin 'fear to commit' things...a lingering cloud from shit that happened to me in the past, forcing my survival instinct to kick in. Unfortunately in this case, it's to shut down emotionally in order to avoid pain. Just like when I had that mini freak out before I moved here. Please be something that silly.

OR god...maybe I have mono...

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Ayurveda

So I had my first ever Ayurveda consultation and I think it would be really neat to share about it. So here it goes.

Ayurveda is a holistic and ancient way to approach life. I mean really it's a system of healing...but it ends up being a lifestyle in order to balance the elements. In research and discussion with the other girls who are trying out the lifestyle, since we have access to our very own consultant for free, I've really come to see it as a logical approach to self preservation and you don't even have to get all spiritual about it either.

Most likely you'll be asked to fill out a questionnaire about your daily routines and circle from a list of seemingly peculiar options having to do with whether you are Kapha, Vata or Pitta. Mostly folks who are imbalanced are some of all three. One of the first things a consultant will ask (I assume should ask) is, "in your own words describe your goals, health wise". Mine were: manage my digestive system to prevent bloat, irregularity, and to efficiently eliminate toxins that most likely cause my oily skin and migraines. Balance my moods so I am better able to handle stress by checking my anxiety especially around my monthly cycle. Now my answer was made of prior knowledge and my preconceived notion of how the body works. But it could be much simpler. The consultant will take your pulse, examine your finger nails, and ponder your tongue.

My consultant explained to me that my Vata is sort of out of whack. Vata is wind and currently my vata is flowing up when it should be flowing down. This is caused by a lot of diet choices including snacking and drinking cold beverages but also it can just be genetic. I mean yeah that sounds super simple and we shall see how some simple changes may affect the flow of my Vata. In theory drinking water room temperature and/or hot (not tea) will bring the heat down from my head to my belly where it should be. It will relieve my migraine pain and allow my food to digest normally. Now snacking is quite possibly one of the worst things you can do and unfortunately for most people it's practically impossible to avoid. For many of us we've heard that 'eating small meals through out the day is healthier'. When this can't possible be farther from the truth, well according to Ayurveda. Another thing that may be affecting my mood, pms, and migraines is my fluctuating blood sugar levels, which my friends is directly related to a snack riddled daily routine. The idea of snacking is truly a development in the past 20-30 years. I mean did farmers run around with protein bars when they ran their tractors up and down fields all morning and afternoon? No. Protein bars, trail mix and other small intake diets are directly related to people who are body builders in the 80's and/or to treating diabetics. When in reality we're not burning the calories during out resting periods, morning-afternoon-and sleep. In Ayurveda one should rise early and eat breakfast quite soon after eliminating your waste. It should be enough food to last you till lunch so about 5 hours away. Lunch should be your biggest and hardiest meal and should last you through till dinner another 5ish hours away in which you should eat something smaller. The middle of the day is when 'your digestive fire is the most active'. In theory I should be able to get between meals completely energized without small blood sugar crashes after every snack. My body is technically fasting during those breaks and at night when I am sleeping I will be burning calories because I will burning my body fat and the waste will be expelled in the morning. OKAY and JUST so you know I may not be explaining this correctly. BUT however it was explained made sense, anyway! How the hell I am going to give up snacking is beyond me but I am determined to try. I can distinctly remember feeling extremely healthy and energized when I went to summer camp and ate full meals 3 times a day, so something tells me this Ayurveda thing maybe on to something.

The other thing about diet is the importance of how you eat and what you eat. Not just chewing your food slowly but really being conscious of your intake. Mentally telling yourself you're eating a nice meal and really making it almost a 'you and your food' date. Then of course what you eat is incredibly important too. And no you don't have to cut out potato chips, if you want those add them to your mealtimes. If you want a cookie have that at mealtime. It's really more about eating 3 meals and eating seasonally. For example hard cheeses are supposed to be eaten in fall, while ricotta is great for summer. Or Quinoa is great for Spring while barley is perfect in summer. I've believed that for a longtime but it's hard to know what is in season and what is not when we get our food from all over the world. But I've got my shopping list and I am prepared to experiment.

My consultant prescribed some herbs we carry at the shop, so I'm starting on Kapha Digest: Formula known as "trikatu' a combination of herbs enkindles the digestive fire, reduces excess kapha and promotes healthy digestion. It contains a blend of ginger root, black pepper fruit and pippali fruit taken in pill form 15 minutes before meals. I will also start on a blend of herbs for anxiety once our deliveries come in next week. When I bathe I am to use Vata massage oil which is comprised of sesame oil, olive oil, ashwagandha, bala, shatavari, passionflower, bhringaraj, licorice, lemon verbena, tulsi, and valerian. When I am clean I will rub the vata oil (which I added several drops of lemon grass and lavender essential oils to) all over my body minus the face and then rinse, not cleaning it off just rinsing. This should act as my daily moisturizer throughout the day. I am to drink 64 oz of hot or body temp water per day and exercise at least once a day.

I will go back for my official consultation in two weeks. Till then lotsa water, no popsicles, no snacks and more being present during meal times.

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I was already on the hunt but now with two it will be easier. September 1st that is the deadline. It's not actually what we have to do that is so hard, in fact we're ecstatic and excited.

Finally temperatures will drop below 90 degrees. Lovely! We skipped over spring mostly because of the freakish storms we had all through April and May. But it's too soon for this kind of heat. Although it's intense, I sort of expected worse. Everyone keeps telling me it will be but there is something different about damp heat. It sticks to you but it doesn't dry you out. It's like swimming in a hot tub, yes you can't handle it for too long but at least you're not parched.

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The nightmare that has been this week has caused the stress and anxiety to creep back in to me. I knew I felt something different in the air. I felt it deep in my belly. I couldn't put my finger on it but my internal self knew something was up. At least I'm not alone. And really in the end, it isn't the end of the world and it really doesn't concern me. I'm just indirectly affected by it. Perhaps this is the reason I cannot find anywhere to live. Maybe it wasn't meant to be because of the failure to communicate true feelings. We shall see where I am at in the next few months geographically speaking.

I saw my first lightning bug last night...and then another and another and I really thought I had lost my mind for a second until I realized the little bursts of light were real. As the cicadas make their exit these amazing little flies light up the night. I don't know how people aren't more intoxicated with them. They make me believe in magic.

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I've been on the verge or updating for days.

Cicada Diaries
And so the dwindling begins. The majority of the brood have died off and now the only one's singing are those who emerged late. It's eerily quiet where it used to be deafening...and suddenly my jog/walks are more pleasant again. Cicadas are no longer flying in and out of my car windows on the highway. Some will probably still remain as long as it's hot...but I think for the most part the peek is over.

In other news
No wait really? When I googled the IP Address I wasn't really surprised. I was more confused. Still? Why? And although I'm only 90% positive I know who it is, I cannot be sure, but it's just too big of a coincidence geographically. And if it is, how pathetic. Delusional, keep telling yourself you're a better person now. I suppose it's my fault for picking a password previously shared but for other things.

Again in other news
I haven't had my ayurveda consultation yet...but I had a massage like no other by our most prominent therapist. Let me tell you I swear I believe in magic now. But really this magic is all grounded in science. It's just years and years of practice. Amazing wealth of knowledge from experience and training. Energy work truly makes me believe in healing beyond conventional modern medicine. I have never felt this good physically.

Please reader send me all your positive energy and thoughts while I continue to search for a place to live, my strength is wearing thin.

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I may have low grade fibromyalga and no I'm not being a hypochondriac.

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What a bust. First off someone who actually goes by J.Wes can't be taken seriously unless you yourself are a hipster. Lovely house but if all I can fit in the room is a queen size bed...then this ain't for me mister. And now I find on my walks that I'm angry at people who haven't converted their attics into apartments that I can rent. I want to march up to people's doors and ask, "um so when you gonna start working on that?"
In other news I've randomly started jogging.

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Reading Game of Thrones
It's no Lord of the Rings...I mean was it really necessary to put your name as George R. R. Martin on the cover...I mean R. R.??? Like J R R...and why are there characters called Pyp, Samwell and Arwen? I guess it's hard to write an epic fantasy series after LOTR...you're always going to be compared. Do I like the book so far? There are parts I like...have yet to find that uniqueness however.

Cicada Diaries - May 23rd.
They are swarming! Well clearly it's nothing like what it's going to be...but on my drive home yesterday they were smacking in to my windshield, I have no AC so I have to drive with the windows down and I know one of these days ...they'll fly in my car. The cicadas seem to be heavier in the southern part of Nashville where I work. But that may be because they emerged there first this year. I am having to watch my step in the back yard but soon I think it will become to hard to avoid stepping on a cicada, there are just so many.

Morning May 24th
The sound of distant thunder, rain and breeze can often be the most relaxing sounds. But on tuesday morning we woke up around 5am to a very different kind of thunderstorm. Drack closed the window and it was still so loud I asked "did you shut the window". Then the power promptly went out and all I could hear was hail and wind. But I could see in shifting shapes and movement as 100 lighting strikes hit within 5 minutes. The thunder was practically continuous too, never stopping for more than a few seconds. I looked out the front window and could hardly see across the street from the torrential down burst of precipitation that crushed east Nashville in 15 minutes. The wind was like nothing I had ever seen before and it was only 80mph. I read later that something like 80 trees had come crashing down on people's houses and one only needs to walk a neighborhood walk to realize how bad downed trees really are. There are power lines still dangling limp or strewn across sidewalks and folks without power days later. And this reader...wasn't even a tornado. Drack said to me he had never seen a storm like that. It was a singular cell entity that swept over middle Tennessee and decided to dump on East Nashville and East Nashville alone. These are the kinds that produce tornadoes....generally we've been getting squall lines which just produce straight wind. I was scared...I have to admit I was very scared.

This week had been odd...in so many ways. It's like the storm blew open a door. Later in the week I started looking for places to live and am about to go meet a J. Wes Yoder (apparently a published writer) to inquire about renting a room in East Nashville. What happened to the one bedroom idea you might say? Let me copy paste an email I wrote to a very important person in my life who's been integral in many ways over the past 6 months.

thanks!
Although we've been doing well in the little room, I think it's important for me to have my own space for a little bit. Start paying some bills and budgeting money that I'm responsible for. When I was living with roommates in college I wasn't living on money I had earned. Gotta grow up at some point! Start paying for things on my own and saving! Ideally I would love to have my own little studio apartment or 1bedroom, however after a lot of thought I made the decision to seek out roommates. Although I would love to have my own kitchen, kitties and my own porch, I'm not sure if I'd be able to put enough in savings.

Another option maybe for me to find a 2 bedroom house and then search for a roommate myself. That way I am picking and choosing people for my own home, not the other way around. Mostly I'm going to meet this guy tomorrow because it is an all inclusive situation, which makes life easier. But if I feel like the room is too small, or I wouldn't be welcome in the rest of the house I definitely won't go for it. No worries I won't move unless it's better than here and here is going to be hard to beat! I definitely don't want to rush in to anything. I want to make sure I'd be happy and comfortable and able to use the kitchen and bathroom without being in someone's way.

AND who knows I may get lucky and find something that's affordable and my own space (like that attic apartment that I was going to get in February but he picked someone else).Lots of options and routes to take, I'm just really grateful to know I have wonderful people in my life who want the best for me like you, ____, Drack and even Junie (sometimes). I really appreciate it :) and I really feel more welcome here than anywhere else I have lived, even with my own Dad and stepmom!
<3

I shall report later on my findings at this house.

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Cicada Diaries cont'd. 5/13
Well today it's raining and the temperature has dropped about 10 degrees. Cicadas only like to sing when it's really hot and sunny. Which made me wonder why they sing at night? They will sing if there is artificial light, overcrowding on one tree, or if they are disturbed...so basically the deafening sound is made worse as the summer goes on because there will be more cicadas, it's going to get hotter and we live in a city-no one is left undisturbed.

In other news...It's hard for me to approach writing about massage and Ayurveda when I've had very short contact with it, even though I am becoming a full blown office manager of a massage therapy and Ayurveda studio. I'm learning, sort of building on what I already know about alternative health care. I've got a lot to say about it but I don't know how to write about it.

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Cicada Diaries

4/8/11 - Last night about 30 cicadas from Brood XIX crawled out of the soil and up on to the railing of our porch. While I was sleeping, Drack watched them shed their skins and stretch their wings. This morning I went out to see the remains. Empty carcasses still attached to where they clung on and entered the last stage of their lives. Now they go on to be food, they aren't locusts, they come out to mate and die not even bothering to eat. The cicada cycle is fascinating, another thing I only knew vaguely of and now get to experience first hand. It's confusing, at first outsiders are led to believe cicadas only come out every 13 years. Logically that doesn't make any sense, it would be more of an epic and widely broadcast event if that were true. Turns out that there are a crap ton of cicada species all over the world and within some of those species are populations. Those populations come out at different intervals, they are labeled by roman numeral. This year Brood 19 of the blablah species that lives for 13-years will be singing in early May. Later more populations and different species will come out of the ground and within a few days they'll sing.

4/11/11 - I spent lunch in the park yesterday. High temps and moderate humidity and it was still brutal but I could hear one or two cicadas singing. I observed the ones crawling around on the ground around me. Most ciadas look...well they look demented. I swear I have only seen one or two cicadas that didn't look sickly and half dead. Some can't break out of their shells, others find their wings are crumpled. Some flop around on their backs for hours. A lot fall off of whatever they're attached to consistently. Considering they're only really come out of the ground to mate, they don't necessarily have to be the Olympian's of the bug world. Which might be why there are so many of them, most will be eaten before they lay their eggs. Granted I have yet to find anything scientific to back up my theory, but that seems to be the general feeling of most folks around here.

Cicada on the porch

Empty Cicada Shell

These ones are about an inch long.

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I will not be superstitious today...unless work requires it.

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When we went to Asheville I didn't take my laptop and I didn't take a journal. In the moments I wanted to write something down I had nothing to write on, and things I wanted to write about fell away. That always happens though. "Oh I won't take my camera today", then you see an elephant riding a bicycle. Anyway I digress...

One of the things I meant to make a note of in my absent journal to write about later is the human and the drum circle phenom. There is one that happens in the small triangle in the heart of downtown Asheville. Drum circles are just as mesmerizing as campfires. What the hell do I mean by that? Well do you ever find yourself staring unreasonably long at campfires? I do all the time. I like to think our reaction and love of campfires has practically become part of our DNA since the first human decided to build one and sit by it. I mean when it got dark, we couldn't see...and our lives revolved around campfires. The caveman's television set.

It's the same with drum circles. I mean come on, the easiest instrument in the world involves taking one thing and banging it against another. One white old man who stood by us and remarked "why do they do this?", if I hadn't seen a number of drum circles, I might say the same thing. At first they seem completely unorganized. And for the most part they are, you just show up with a drum and go at it. If there are enough people drumming loudly enough, it creates enough noise that patterns and skill don't matter. Something happens when you give yourself over to it. No matter how far we've come in the world of music, it all really revolves around beats. Maybe I'm alone in this...but I often feel an overwhelming urge to listen to drum circles. At first I think...crazy hippies, but in the end I succumb to wiggling my hips. And it becomes the most normal and human thing I could possibly do. Fire and drum circles are perfectly primordial.

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Strange for something to sink in so easily for me. But does that mean I like it or it's too easy. Maybe my brain is just turned to intake on high, because I basically had to force as much as possible in at Vandy. Maybe now it's just easier to retain information because of that intense rate I was learning before. I have no questions, everything I logically figure out seems to be the correct way to do things. I think mostly that's because the business isn't typical and it's run based on logic. Plus we're not offering brain surgery. Maybe I'm just going through shock, maybe I should stop caring so much and just accept it. I do know that I'm anxious for no reason most of the time, and I often get like that a new jobs regardless of ease.

As far as Asheville goes...what can I say other than it's pretty much certain we'll live there some day.

In the meantime I'm keeping my heart open and trying ever so hard to balance my energy and keep my anxiety in check for the sake of the clients. The owner says, "no worries we'll unwind you slowly, you're doing great".

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Drive By Truckers "Pulaski"

She was fresh out of college

The first one in her family to go

and California seemed like heaven,

Pulaski, Tennessee was her home

She worked on losing her southern accent

and turned her back on her Baptist ways

She bought some clothes that barely covered her fair skinned body,

Went to Nashville and caught a plane

The clouds rushed beneath her as the LA smog filled the air

She smiled when the airlock opened

and the Pacific breeze blew through her hair

She thought about the boys from Alabama

Who came into town every Friday night

and drank beer out of big glass quart bottles

and left their trail of blood and tears behind

She thought the men from California would be different

She'd grown up watching them on her TV

But the men she came to know in California

Left her longing for Pulaski, Tennessee

Good ideas always start with a full glass

and just breathing here can make a girl's nose bleed

Dreams here live and die just like a stray dog on a dirt road somewhere in Tennessee

The storefronts all filled up with eyeballs

As the policemen clear out the street

For a line of cars with their headlights burning

Driving slow through Pulaski, Tennessee

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I wrote this whole post complaining about my rental search woes and then deleted it. I guess all I needed was to rant but I'll spare you reader. Maybe all my luck was spent in one place this spring. I wonder what else will happen. I'm beginning to think everything means something...duh.

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I don't really miss LA. I miss Humboldt, I always will, but I don't think I'll ever miss LA. Sure there are things about it that can't be found anywhere else...but I guess I can do without and I don't get a homesick feeling about it. Nashville has grown on me in a pleasing way, I knew I liked it and knew I could live here, and those things that you know, they really work out. That's a ridiculous thing to say but it's true. I'm slowly growing used to the lack luster geologic features...although there are hills it really is flat for the most part. Even so the trees crowd the streets making the sky (which seemed so big in the middle of the country) seem smaller. The batman building is a great point of geographical reference and I am finally getting used to the ridiculous highway system. For the most part though the south is just subtly different, duh. There are somethings though that are completely foreign to me, like continental thunderstorms.

It's not even storm season and 9 people died on Monday. Oblivious to the orange alert and literally moments before sirens and the wall of thunderstorms rolled over Nashville, I was walking around the medical campus doing the afternoon pickups and deliveries. The girls in Children's made loads of fun, 'silly Californian' and made me stay put. We were told to stay away from windows and shuffled in to the main hallways. In the event of a red alert we're supposed to go to the basements. There's a mixed feeling of concern and annoyance in the time it takes the storms to move over the land. People joke and laugh while at the same time text their kids, husbands, and wives 'okay honey stay inside'...in those moments on Monday the cell phone networks were completely overloaded and calls I tried to make didn't go out. But still folks were laughing and joking and curious if the big red crane that's leaning over Children's would fall over. I don't like it one bit. I'll take an earth quake any day. Earth quakes are sudden, tornadoes involve waiting and listening to ridiculous wind. Waiting for something that may drop down on you or someone you know is an awful feeling. I suppose that's what Pern would be like.

It's hard to be motivated at a job you're leaving. At the same time I'm excited and nervous about what's coming next. More responsibility for less pay but in an environment that's 900 times better than where I am now on dozens of levels, more than just 'I don't like it here'. I know I am definitely the person, if there is one, to get stressed working at a massage therapy studio. I've come to learn that it's my nature to care too much about professional relationships in a personal way. In some ways it's a great gift, in others it's a heavy toll I have to pay day to day. I'm interested in the inside perspective of a small business in case that's where my life leads, so it will be a good experience. I know being in that setting will be extremely healthy for me too. It's centered around healing and alternative medicine and for someone with an open mind to that they can only benefit, even if I am a stressed out ninny.

It's interesting too, that just when I was deciding to stay or go...this opportunity came up. And on a night when I was truly happy and in an out going mood I was prospected. Later I found out that should I have stayed, not only would I have been immeasurably unhappy most of the time, but that they probably would have cut the position in the fall anyway. It's interesting how sometimes when you need the universe to do something, it does, if your heart is open to it. I recently read a book which talks about magic in that way. So maybe somethings are meant and not meant to be, and you just have to be thankful for the good things that all your previous choices and being openhearted brought you to.

The end of the winter doldrums and the horrors of credentialing will be marked by a much needed trip. Although we had issues with dates and planning and places...we ended up with Asheville. And in no way do I feel like I'm settling. Yes I moved to the Southeast and I should explore different places but quite frankly Asheville is still too open ended. I have dreams about it based on only a 36 hour experience. Then again it was part of a whirlwind trip. But even in thinking about it suddenly in the middle of my day I get excited. This time we'll be there for 3 days and the hills with be green instead of orange. And honestly even if it's pouring rain it will be great, heck I might even enjoy it more.

Clearly I had a lot to get out and I am no where near satisfied. Until the next post.

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Day to day the streets are changing. The trees are filling in. I could only see the skeleton trees of east Nash from the top of Broadway but now I see brand new frazzled green heads. Soon the view will be a neat landscape of broccoli and church steeples.

March is always awful. Things are moving quickly now and in new directions. Things I have been waiting for are closer and closer on the tipping point, but so many things are still in the air. Take every opportunity you get, do what you feel is right. And here I am in the moment, instead of waiting and looking forward to a future, I'm in it.

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For a long time on Birthdays I would write a reflection of where I'd been for that year of my life. I didn't last year and most of this whole year has been inwards. And now, even though I'm a quarter century old, I still don't have anything new to say that hasn't been said over and over this whole year. In my opinion that's a good thing for the most part. I had a wonderful birthday this year, thanks to my wonderful boyfriend and his family.

I've been very fortunate here. Opportunities crop up at the most unlikely times. Before I arrived the neighborhood was quite different. One of the reasons is a friend across the street passed away around the same time Drack and I first became aware of each others existence. The house sits empty now across the street, and I never really knew the life that was there. It's a lovely new house built in the victorian style. It's enormous but the many rooms are sectioned off and so the house feels quite small and intimate, and I imagine with all the furniture and a big guy, the place felt quite alive. His sister is allowing Drack and I to sort through the left over estate items and take what we want for our future home. It's strange to go through the things of a person I never met, and I'm sure stranger for Drack who knew him very well. I wish I could have been here before the neighborhood changed. Everyone tells me we would have gotten a long. Either way I'm very grateful.

It's strange to think of all those years before you meet meaningful people. They existed this whole time but you just didn't know it till the right time. I guess more and more years are added the older you get. I wonder what sorts of meaningful people I'll meet in the future.

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A little while ago I said I would post a picture of the artsy thing I made for Drack. I ended up going simplistic, instead of doing what I had originally planned. I may still use those ideas as elements in something else for him, but what I ended up with here ended up being what I was really trying to get at. I didn't need more than what I ended up with.

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I have a lot to write about during the day but when I get home I can't be bothered. It is awful.

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There is nothing like southern winds before a night of thunderstorms. Rain clouds here are dark, dark enough to make midday seem like evening. The rain seems more dense, and here in the 'central basin' of Tennessee.

I'm mostly posting this picture as a test run, since I haven't added image to the new html I made for this sometime over the last year. But you can tell with Nashville being at the bottom of a basin, why 'the great flood of 2010' as locals call it, happened. 3 days straight of rain water fills up a bowl pretty fast.

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It's almost blossom season. Everyday I drive down woodland I imagine what its going to be like in only a couple months...and even beyond that when it's so damn lush you can't see the houses.

Every warm day I think about how much hotter it could get, is going to get. I can feel the way the air cradles you here, and will eventually become a suffocating heat.

I saw a California plate finally, on a big old jeep. I even saw an Oregon plate shortly after.

I secretly want to be a bee keeper, amongst many other professions.

Do I feel like I live in Nashville? I don't know how to answer that question. I am picking up quite a bit of southerness, but I think I am pretty much used to the differences, which are extremely subtle.

Strange to think I've only been here for a couple months now, and I've adapted. I suppose in many ways that's why I came, it felt right and it still feels right. I'm wondering if eventually down the line when I become even more permanent, whether I'll feel unrest again....mostly in regards to the 'what am i doing with myself'. A lot of exploration going on still, but right now I'm pursuing the independence from anyone, even if it doesn't fall under some specific 'career' path. I haven't abandoned the library...but there are lots of things I want too, along with that and even first. I realize I'm actually more qualified for things and jobs than I gave myself credit for, mostly because I see myself differently, and through this temp job I've learned that.

Exploration...a lot of self exploration goes on in your 20s, and I officially started mine last summer. I'd say visiting Sydney was the inaugural event. Things moved fast, and here I am in Nashville. A year ago I was stick in the mud, and then I was a stick at the bottom of a pile of rocks. But I've done a lot and my journey is not over. Exploration through experience. I have the most amazing support unit around me now it's beyond anything I could ask for, and I don't think I'll realize how important and influential this new type of support is, and the residual effects will be. That's not a dis to anyone in LA, it's just different.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm exploring, and that I'm still growing up. I'm quite hard on myself. I project extremely high expectations based on comparison with other people, while letting the things that are really important go unnoticed. Always a scaredy cat for no reason. I'm slowly overcoming that though, and although it may always be something I have to deal with, through experience and time I'll be able to deal with it more.

And so in light of this, I realize how happy I am because of that optimism. So many wonderful people in my life and things to look forward to.

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It takes a lot to really get your mind in a 'I can do anything' place. The small successes, the small lessons I have to make a big deal out of...again, brick by brick. Nothing is ever as scary as it seems. It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. I often wondered for a long time, how other people went about their lives seemingly able to fit here and there easily, often thinking I could never do that. But I think I just put myself down so much that I never really noticed the things I can do. The mid 20s are a strange time. There are some things you can only learn after by aging, and being mindful. The more I'm kept on my toes, challenging myself, facing my fears, the more likely I am to grow. I'm very happy about this.

I'm so happy actually. I know that's something people aren't supposed to run around saying, 'oh she's only saying that to convince other people, but she should just be worried about what she thinks' but fuck that. I'm going to say what I want, and I really am. When I get out of work it's usually right around sunset, and more often than not it's cloudy, or snowing, or something dismal. But today was quite gorgeous. The clouds were rolling across the sky in neatly parted rows, of pink and gold. I prefer to drive straight through downtown, and I quite love the tiny urban center, even the nashvegas part. I'm so looking forward to spring, when all the sleeping gray and brown plants come back to life. I haven't been here during the lush months. And of course with those months will come the heat, the bugs, and I'll be dying for winter again...maybe.

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I've never so looked forward to a weekend in a long time. I could really go days working at KCC, but this Temp job...bleh. Okay, to be fair the work itself consists of processes very similar to KCC, busy work for the most part, which I happen to enjoy. But it's the environment. Also being called out for a 'short skirt' was pretty laughable. I've heard some pretty terrible things about the supervisor from the other employees, so thank god it is a temp job. I suppose that's the attraction; you will leave. If I thought it was the right fit I could apply for this as a permanent position, but from what I've seen at Vanderbilt, I could find a better option. And so yes, when this is terminated, and the open position filled, I'll be shuffled on to the next assignment. But of course, there is no security, and for the moment I can afford that option, at least for a few more months. I did apply for the most perfect apartment ever, both unfortunately and fortunately I didn't get it. With the job not quite being a comfortable fit, I'm glad not to be in a lease. But I'm in line for the other unit that this guy has. I could talk more about this, but seeing as it didn't come to fruition I don't see much point.

Starting up a fulltime position hasn't been as peachy as I've made it sound. True to myself I was pretty much a mess on Monday night. Familiar doubts and what not crept in. Just a reminder you are who you are no matter where you go, a change has to be made in you for anything different to happen. I have a lot more hope and optimism though. Anyway sleepless nights couldn't really compete with a benadryl and the bestest boy ever!

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Dear Blog,
Sorry I've made promises about cat posts and sports posts...but you see I'm fulltime temp employed as of this next Monday, and things are moving fast. I've had a migraine most of this week. I've been scurrying about Vanderbilt's campus feeling old. I started a new book Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. Now I'm looking for apartments, and wondering why the hell I didn't leave LA sooner.

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Football season seems to be ending at the right time. I'm pretty much sick of it. There are too many commercial breaks, and I'm barely able to keep any attention on a game for more than a few minutes at a time these days. I've grown to hate and like some players, but quite frankly I'm glad this is the last Sunday before super bowl in two weeks. The football season can drain your life and weekends away. Here's hoping next season I'm employed, have friends, and can do something other than. But it's been a good educational experience, I've pretty much gotten a grasp on how the game works.
In fact I'm gaining a stupid amount of ridiculous sports information. When I first started talking to Drak, he tried to convince me that he was a sports nerd. And indeed, walking sportslopedia. But I have issue with calling someone a nerd just because they know a crap ton about sports. My response was..."is there a booth at Comic Con?" (no there isn't). But now having come through the football season alive, even if barely, I realize the otherworldliness of sports. Maybe nerd is just not the right word.

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Tidbits

When a lot of things happen to you all at once, it is called _____? There has to be a word for this. Something along the lines of that 'tipping point' phenomena, but on a personal level, and also without a result.

Why does being friends, or not being friends on facebook define whether someone is friends in real life. Is the definition of a relationship so pathetically labeled.

After years making hot water bottles, last night was the first time I poured the boiling water on my hand and not in the bottle. Yes indeed it burned. Today the redness not so surprisingly follows the same path as the direction the water spilled off my hand. Looks like a really weird sunburn.

I love when an idea hits you. I've got a few art projects that have been floating around in my head, and some are circumstantial like my bottle cap table. I need a table, and a place to work on it, and then a place to put it. Smaller ones include a finalized version of the tattoo I'm going to get. But the most recent is an art project for the boy. Since he's already seen parts of it, I'm not worried about mentioning a part of it will have fall leaves, all drawn by me. I've got a dozen or so already finished. (Interestingly it's sent me on a strange journey questioning the spelling of leaf plural. Which I'm going to say is leaves, I mean it's loaf and loaves.)

I'm reading The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. The white city is the World's Columbian Exposition, better known as the Chicago world fair. 200 buildings in 27 months, with 60,000 exhibits. The Devil is H.H. Holmes, America's first serial killer (first well known and well documented serial killer). The book is dense, and hard to break into, it's not really a thriller as much as it's a Ken Burns style history book. If you like that sort of thing you may enjoy this book.

I have interviews this week, even if it is only for a couple temporary employment agencies, at least it's a start. A much needed start. I feel like I'm on the threshold of a lot of things.

I hate calling home. Not because I don't want to, but because there is nothing to say. Vaguely remind me of college the first year. I just didn't have anything to talk about, cause well nothing was happening that couldn't be described in one or two sentences. Eventually the awkwardness subsided and conversations became relatively normalized. But it's like the beginning stages of being away kids shouldn't talk to their parents. Or maybe it's just me.

Have I already mentioned that I have yet to see a single California license plate while in TN?

Please look for my up and coming extended my post about cats!

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Sportz
(I know a little late) I had this whole idea of writing about the National Championship game between Auburn tigers and Oregon ducks last Monday, but alas anything I could say about it really has been said elsewhere. You know, the bowl system vs a play off system, scamming Cam, etc. I will say though, that while Arizona's population increased slightly, there probably weren't as many duck fans because, well, the west coast, especially the lefty coast, just doesn't give a crap about football. And if they do, it in no way comparable to the passion of a southern fan. And indeed the stadium was clearly bought out by Auburn fans, even though ticket sales are halved somehow. I secretly cheered for the ducks because of the schools proximity to Humboldt, but knew that Auburn would eventually win based on all the information I know about college football that I've learned via osmosis. And that's all I have to say about that.

Library cont.
I did visit the main branch of the Nashville library and it is gorgeous. Very classy, I guess because it's so classic. There are lovely marble staircases leading to wide hallways connecting foyers that house special collections, reading rooms, modern computer labs and books. It's tidy spacious and beautifully quiet. Like most libraries today it's mostly automated, but there were librarians and associates at many of the desks I walked by. Even before I decided I might enjoy working in a library I was keenly aware the librarian of the past no longer exists. After reading Johnson's book it's even more apparent that librarians have really become information managers or database engineers. Which is why so many schools have changed their names to information science rather than library science. Degrees are focused mostly around the internet and computer software, as there is no escaping electronics these days. As a result PhD students in freakin Uruguay can access information from a library located in Kentucky. I have more to say about libraries, librarians, and information, but I'm gonna keep it short. Definitely an interesting read, tip of the iceberg, speedy sort of book.

Dreams...my god...insane dreams past week. Some of them same content different script. Guh.

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Sportz
It has become more and more apparent that most people dismiss stuff they don't understand. Sometimes it's hard for me to pay attention to a game, until I get what is happening. And sadly I need explanation a lot more than lets say someone who has been watching sports for most of their life. A lot of times it's hard for me to appreciate many of the plays and individual player skill, because the difficulty just doesn't hold any weight with me. But I'm growing an appreciation and even a very strong like for many sports, individual players and teams. It helps to have a walking sportslopedia, Deadspin, and a genuine want to inform myself about everything.

This Book Is Overdue
I'm finally breaking past page 20, in fact and more than half way through Marilyn Johnson's book This Book Is Overdue! How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All.
Obviously it's about librarians. But the definition of librarian is really much more than the stereotype old woman with cat eye glasses shushing you. Many of the major schools have changed their titles to Information Science schools. Basically the difference between a warehouse full of stuff and a library (collection of information) is that it's organized. I guess, technically, you're a librarian of something if you for any reason have more of one thing that's organized. I for one get the warm and fuzzies when I think about collections of old stuff, any old stuff. It's really strange. More to report on this later, as I am heading on over to the Nashville Library's main branch at some point this week, when the snow permits.

Occupation
In other news I am painting and drawing, which I haven't done in years. In fact I think the last time I painted was middle school art class. It's an exciting venture, even if it's more frustrating than anything. With any new hobby one attempts one will not be practiced and therefore the products will be shit. Either way it's an occupation, amongst other things I'm doing while I'm unemployed. I developed a fondness for tidying up, dishes, and laundry. I read: books, magazines, sports blogs, librarian's blogs. I cook, or I watch cooking shows eating spoonfuls of nutella. I go to the community fitness center and uncharacteristically shoot basketballs with Drack. I coordinate herding, feeding, sleeping between 3 temperamental felines. And I watch my fair share of sports with the rest of the household.

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For those of you have been sitting on the edge of your seat wondering how my investigation of east Nashville burglaries from the safety of the couch is going, well here's the news!

(A few days ago) Apparently 3 dudes were arrested last night as they had been followed by metro police to a McDonald's which they apparently tried to rob. Apparently these dudes may be responsible for up to 17 fast food robberies since last September. They may also be connected with the robberies of two dollar stores and the two restaurants which I had previously mentioned. SOOO in other words, if these dudes are the dudes, then my couch investigation is over. However! Burglary seems to be the 'hip' thing around these parts. I swear almost everyday I read the local news and someone has attempted, been caught, or gotten away with some form of theft somewhere in the Middle Tennessee area.

(Today) I just heard that the dudes are admitting to robbing many of of the places they are accused of.

In other news...I have writers block again, things to write, just I'm not writing them...again.

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