Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I've been neglecting posting here, because most of what is going on in my life is too personal for the world wide web at the moment. But what I can post about is the fact that I may have come to a stopping point in therapy. Meaning I met the goals I had going in. If I were to stay on, I would only receive positive benefits, but I would not lose what I have already gained. I really have to decide, although my financial situation may become the ultimate deciding factor anyway. Next session we're treating a closing session, it's sort of going to be a summary of where we've been. I've already mentioned that when I think back to who I was before, and who I was during, and who I am after I see 3 very different people. All of them are strangers to me. It's hard to imagine me and my lifestyle now being so stifled for two years. It's hard to imagine that I could hardly sleep at night, couldn't or eat or do anything without crying for the better part of two months. And now I don't recognize this new and brilliant person who's been born of those circumstances. But it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I still feel the pain sometimes. It passes faster these days, but it's still there. Even when I can pinpoint why. Sometimes it's literally just seeing an icon, which is usually all I can see, or will see. It's usually when I hear something about the present, not really the past anymore. I also get sad when I think about my own future, it not working out, it slowing down, getting stuck where I'm at. But it's not as scary, because I'm taking, and have been taking so many steps to get what I want. I'm proud of myself for those things. And I know if I put my best effort in, then I'm not going to let anyone down, and I ultimately that means I won't let myself down either.

In the meantime I'm discovering the meaning of relationships, and how varied and wondrous they can be. If you keep your heart open, you can find connections with the most unlikely people, and those connections can be just as unlikely and unexpected in content and variety. The human heart is capable of amazing things, if you are in tune with it. Don't lie to yourself, don't pretend to be someone else, keep it open.

Read more...

Monday, June 28, 2010

First therapy appointment in about 5 weeks this afternoon. I'm not sure where to start? I'm a slut and I like it? I've learned a hell of a lot about myself in that arena? I still feel sad and I still miss the stone. I'm dragging people under my bus? I can't form emotional attachments that make any sense? People really like me, and I don't know how to handle it? I feel numb? I think I might be in shock? I can't sit for an hour without doing something? I miss Oz more and more everyday? According to my class homework, my 'personality type' is ENFP? Things are moving so fast and I have no idea how to make decisions? I'm probably over thinking everything, and this is actually how normal people live their lives? My hours got cut, this might be my last appointment ever?

I'm not really scared of telling her all this, but more what she'll bring out of me. Which is what is supposed to happen.

Read more...

Journal Notes

Sunday, June 27, 2010

New me doesn't know how to think. I have no filters, no barriers, no walls, no anchor. Old me functioned in the static familiarity.

I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself. Am I happy, or is this a flurry of snow covering a mountain?

I don't recognize who I was a two months ago, how I couldn't function beyond a few hours. But still, too many things, too soon. Somethings just don't quite feel right, don't quite fit.

"Emotionally stalled"
"Shock psychosis"

I'm more water than ever. There are too many rocks. Now even boats, drowning in my rapids.

Read more...

i hate dreams. i hate them.

Read more...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I have all these amazing things I want to write down, when I'm walking around, working, driving...but then I come back home sit at my desk...and brain farts commence.

I think my whole "Yes Man" philosophy has led me to the path of not being able to sort out what to do first in all my wants. I'm trying to do them all, but it's difficult without treading on hearts, or betraying other wants. I can't have my cake and eat it too. I can't figure out how to approach it, because before I never had cake, cause I never made myself cakes, and cakes were never thrown at me the way they seem to be these days. Do you understand my cake analogy? I suppose as things settle down a little bit, and I get some sort of routine back I might be able to figure out priorities, or which wants are more dear to me than other wants, or which needs are needed more than other needs, and only with experiences to compare do I feel like I'll gain my footing again. But I don't see that happening for a while. Especially because time is required for some, and the things I am filling that time up with either won't end or start for a little while. The next following few tids and bits are part of those things.

Going to School Again
First of all, I'm not really feeling the SMC campus vibe. I mean they've remodeled parts of it, but meh, I guess I'm just spoiled. I feel like I've downgraded. Wow I'm a snob. But I miss my Humboldt! Oh well, the roll-away classroom my class is in, is dingy broken down and reminds me of high school in a peculiar sort of way. My professor, who unfortunately sports a name I'm not too keen to say or hear at the moment, but seems to be a good fit for the type of class I'm taking: career Planning. Although I have a generalized idea of my goals, working through this course work will help to challenge my ideas of what I really think I can do based on values, personality, skills and interests. Then I can explore the options, and get more specific so I can figure out what my next step is. Sorry to sound all Hermoine Grainger but I'm desperate for more homework! I mean we'll get some, but I found myself sitting in class taking notes on ridiculous portions of the discussion, talking way too much (oh my gosh I'm one of those annoying students who won't shut up), and playing with my notebook (I have an old blank Humboldt one yippee!). I'm sure to get something out of this course. The only downside is that most other students are international, and can't speak a lick of English. I swear, you should hear the questions they ask...I'm not sure they could complete the homework let alone read the syllabus. It really slowed the class down, but that's SMC for ya.

In other news
I'm actually going to visit Humboldt. Even though the opportunity came up through annoying and ridiculous circumstances, I'm going to make the most of it. And now I can't freaking wait to be there. Although of course I'd rather be flying back to Oz, I've been meaning to see Humboldt since I left it. I'm curious to know what shape it will take in my heart again. It changed me so profoundly, that I'm sure the experience there will be a trippy one. Humbrews I want your wings, Renata I want your crepes, camel rock and college cove here I come! My plan is to fit in as much as I possibly can. If no one will go with me, I'm going alone, and that's the great thing, I remember how to get around, where to go and when!

The bad news
HOW THIS HAPPENED I DO NOT KNOW...well I do know. Pantha Du Prince came to LA last Friday, and of course his actual website didn't update his tour dates so I had no idea about it. I found out this morning when I discovered his facebook fan page. Now I feel crushed! He'll probably not come back to the states anytime soon, and I may have missed my only chance to see him live ever. 'Black Noise' has really been my theme album, not through the initial pain of what's happened, but the parts after where I started to wake up inside, feel free, even happy, all the way to Australia and back, to where I am now, pretty damn content with where my rudder-less life is leading me. Oh well, my Friday was pretty damn good, it would have been worse if I had gotten home and was sitting on my ass all night, well...I mean nevermind. Anyway today I finally see what Pantha Du Prince looks like in real life, he's pretty damn cute too!

Read more...

Monday, June 21, 2010

sometimes being the better person sucks. being a good person sucks. sigh. doing the right thing sucks.

I give up trying to figure out how I'm feeling, or how to describe it in writing. Sorry if the last few points make no sense, or contradict themselves.

Read more...

Work
I got up, got in my car and went. That was that. Didn't think about it one way or the other. Somehow I arrived work, did it, and left. Did that really happen?

Tomorrow I have class.
What a weird concept. It's in the math building, on the main campus. Like most things happening to me these days, I probably won't realize it's happening till I'm there.

I guess people like me.
Maybe I should start acting like a bimbo, start lying, stop being punctual, stop being so open. MAYBE I should stop complaining and embrace the fact that I'm pretty damn unique and pretty damn desirable. I guess I'm just not used to it, juggling it? I swear half the time I'm not even meaning to...most of the time I feel like, I'm just minding my own business, or just being myself, or not even trying and then it just happens. Um oops?

These things tie in to the next bit.

Shock
I'm not sure if things that are going to happen to me aren't settling because I've been suspended in some sort of 'shock' psychosis. I mean I put a hold the reality of being back home for two days when I arrived, and now here I sit at my desk, and I still don't feel like I'm conscious. I think back to moments this weekend, to Australia, to things before, and wonder if they happened? Did I dream those things? I look forward to Humboldt, and I feel like...yes I'll be there, but that's all. It's like I'm in a constant state of indifference. Sometimes I feel like I'm feeling something, but I can't hold on to it. I'm so confused, and pretty damn lost clearly. Or maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be? I'm wondering if I ever felt anything before? Or maybe I have been, and I just am not recognizing it? Dude I'm freaking myself out...

Read more...

I'm really happy with who I am instinctively. I'm really happy with what I'm learning, discovering, and who I am working towards becoming. But I don't feel whole enough. Not whole enough to share me. It wouldn't be fair to have half of me, I've done that for too long, and it got me no where. I've been so true to myself in the past few months, the idea of losing that frightens me. It's a lovely feeling to know others like me, for me and who I really am, but I'm heartbroken I cannot share all of me with someone. I'm not quite there yet. Not quite done healing, not quite done discovering, and I'm too committed to me, and only me. I must practice listening and doing for myself, a little more. I'll try to tread more carefully on those close to me from now on.

Read more...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I keep reaffirming what I already know about myself. These bullets are all interconnected, and related to each other. It's cyclical.

-I can't lie...I'm incapable of lying, literally.
-I am not able to hurt other people, I cannot live with the guilt.
-I'm too loyal for my own good.
-I'm too selfless, self deprecating, and you really do need to love yourself before others.
-My honesty gets me into trouble, and doesn't save me from hurting other people.
-I'm absolutely incapable of emotionally being connected, or committed to single person at this point in life.
-I'm still pretty fucked up over what happened to me, and the residual side effects are making themselves known.
-The promises I made to myself, are still more important than anyone else in my life, and no matter how lonely I get, I know if I don't do this now I will regret it, and secretly want things in the future.
-I'm learning new things about me everyday, while discovering who I really am through the process.
-Being 'single' is scary, confusing, and mean...how do you let people in, and then let them go? How can people take that risk? Or do that to other people?

Read more...

Leaving

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Friday morning, June 18th.

Take a step back. Listen.
I am without roots. I have no feeling of attachment to LA, to California, to anywhere.

But the thought of leaving Australia unfinished is making me tear up. It's strange, I feel like I'm leaving a person behind. A person I just met, but felt a special connection to. And this person is more important than any other. All my plans and priorities from back in the states seem like stupid spells I was trying to cast on myself to gain meaning, to impress, to please other people. But the most meaning I've felt in a long time, has been here, coming here, moving through this place. And I haven't even left the city. The notion that that feeling might increase exponentially if I move through more of Australia, is strong. Almost too strong. The meaning I might get from school, from job, seems quaint in comparison to this meaning I have discovered. It's like a crush, but one you know is meant to be. "You don't find lovers, they are always in you". I think it was always in me, for years it has always been in me. Like a heater in the corner, not used, but the idea is pleasant- then suddenly turning it on and being warmed up through toes.

No matter how cliche this sounds, but life is a series of moments, and you have to live in them. Listen to your heart, and live in them. In this moment, my heart aches at the thought of leaving things unfinished here. I've learned so much from my time here, from the people I have met, and the people I heard from back in the states. Everything has shaped this moment.

I'm coming back. I may not go back to school, I may not move out of my moms house, I may be heart broken still, I may be suppressing things, I may hurt other people. But I am coming back here.

Read more...

Backed Up

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Thursday morning June 17th

I'm totally behind in updating my dear old Blog. In a few sentences: I've gone to the aquarium, and to the beaches here in Sydney. Been taking care of sick Anna and watching Firefly. Walking up and down Glebe, to the water and to the Broadway. Went to Trivia night and answered all the nerd questions...

It's my last full day here, supposed to go to the zoo, but it's drizzling of course. I leave tomorrow night, and I really don't want to. My departure suddenly snuck up on me. It's not that I'm completely in love with Sydney, I mean yes it's a great city, it could be a home to me. But I feel I need more time away from LA, or maybe it's just a real sign that I need to get out of there, which I've always known. There are only a couple things to look forward to upon my return, but I think a fire has been lit that might be stronger than anything I have planned. I want to keep moving. But everything is so up in the air, I'm still hollowed out and the new things that get blown in to fill me up, seem to get blown out again rather easily. I have no idea what I'll feel like when I get home.

For now I'll think about Australia:

-Aquarium. It is located in Darling Harbor at the Cockle Bay end. This little inlet reminded me so much of Long Beach that I thought I was in California for a minute. I’m boycotting the platypus. I travel 7000 miles to finally see one, to prove they aren’t just made up, and the damn thing was in its burrow. Apparently they spend most of their time in their burrows. Either way I’m convinced they still don’t exist. However I did get to see a Dugong! The south pacific’s version of the manatee. And I have to say they really are like giant cows. They look stupid they just float there after eating some lettuce and stare off into space. I mean this may be because they’re in a tank, and there is nothing else to do, but maybe it’s because they really are just that stupid and don’t really have much else to think about but digesting lettuce. Other than that they have a bunch of Australian fresh water fish, and fresh water fish kind of give me the creeps. Anna and I agree we like the coral tanks, where all the fish are sparkly and colorful and just plain pretty. It was really cool to see fish from another hemisphere!

-Fanny = vagina. Just like in Britain. So when you receive one after winning at Trivia contest say, Bum Bag...not Fanny pack. The nerd question that helped my team win last night, was something having to do with Star Wars. Either it was what were the two squadrons called that were the result of the Red Squadron breaking up after the Death Star was destroyed by Luke? I said Renegade was one, and I have no idea why the heck that suddenly hit me. But the other one was Rogue...either way I was proud of my nerdness!

-Cabbies. I swear Anna and I have the most intimate conversations in Sydney cabs. I'm pretty sure every cab driver knows something 'private' (although I'm like the least private person I know) about me. If they all got together they could write a book about me.

-If I have to hear one more vuvuzela comment, OMG...

-Dogs. I swear I have yet to see an unhappy or obnoxious dog in Sydney. They all look soooo giddy. In fact, although Anna does not agree, I think 80% of dogs are Dalmations. Or maybe I keep seeing the same 3 Dalmations.

-Beaches. We did the 6 Kilometer walk from Bondi to Coogee Beaches along the coast. Super beautiful of course, describing it is sort of useless, somethings you just have to see. I got a sense of what the summer would be like here, crowded, hot and sticky. But the water is clear and aquamarine. I think the trippy part for me was watching the sun set over land, rather than sea. It just feels so wrong! The sun should only dip in to the sea. And the Pacific Ocean should not be to the east of me, it should always be to the west. It boggles my spatial mind.

Anyway...there a certainty in my mind that I have to come back. But I said that about Humboldt, I must go back. Now I can, and will, there is no more mental block stopping me from those things. I'm excited!

PS Trueblood… Sam and Bill almost make out dream scene, pretty damn hot.

Read more...

Parallel Universe

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Mon evening, June 14th. I think.

Last night I sort of thought, I’m on a different continent. Meaning it finally kind of sunk in. Anna and I discussed that we felt like Sydney is rather like a parallel universe, or Déjà Vu land. It’s like home, but slightly askew, yet familiar. I mean the thing is, it’s like America in some ways, maybe the vibe mostly, but at the same time it’s mixed with Britain, which is why it might be less different for me. I really do like it here.

I’ve met more foreign people here, than I have met Australians, and of the Australians I’ve met very few are from Sydney. Most people are Irish it seems. It’s clear that I wouldn’t last a minute in Ireland, unless I seriously learned how to talk to one without either boring them to death, or not catching on to their self deprecating jokes. Then again, I might die from alcohol poisoning before that mattered anyway. I know it’s stereotypical, but you really don’t know how true it is, till you’ve seen 20 Irish putting away bottles of wine like no bodies business. Even the most experienced drinker back home, has absolutely no chance at an Irish BBQ.

In other news my heart maybe broken, the pain is still too close, but I’ve recently discovered it still works. I can still be filled up. My capacity is never ending, and it's still open for more. And with the right person, you can trust again. It’s a wonderful discovery, and I’m even more dedicated than ever to my inner independence quest too, so that I may have both when the time comes. Because the glimpses I’ve caught of me as a whole person is a very wonderful picture, and I am getting so close. I cannot stray now, and I have no intention

Read more...

Boys are Easy

Friday, June 11, 2010

How to get Aussie Boys in your Pocket
-Have Anna straighten your hair and put make up on you.
-Do say “yeah”…apparently saying “uh yeah” is very American. And “really cute”.
-Talk about American Football and how it sucks, especially if you are watching a FIFA match.
-Talk about beer; highlight what you know about it.
-When they say, “you sound Canadian”, say “Trust me I wish I were”.
-Most of the time they don’t catch on to American sarcasm. Fix by saying, “I’m being sarcastic, I heard a rumor you guys don’t get that down here?” They’ll get it instantly.
-Giving an email address is viewed as blowing someone off. This is good and bad.
-Good qualities are described as “sexy” down unda.

Boys are easy, especially ones at bars. If they talk to you, assume it’s a penis with a face. I’d say 90% of bars are watering holes. The wingman will always be the ‘nice guy’, if you’re into that, go for him instead. That's all you really need to know. To get what you want or don’t, appeal to a penis, not a person. If you play that game, you’re the one in control, and they won’t even realize it. Call them out on their crap, or their intentions, it throws them off - Good to know that my blunt honesty is internationally appreciated. Kisses me. “Are you surprised?” “No I saw that coming two hours ago when you first started talking to me.” “Wow.” “Yeah I’m pretty honest about that kind of crap, plus you’re a boy, what else do you want? Really?” “Wow, you’re blunt I like it."

Read more...

Viruses, Ventures, and Venting

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Friday, noontime, June 11

Slacking off again. Sorry folks, I’ve caught an Australian virus, and all sort of snot is coming out. Plus anyway, I’m on vacation. I’ve decided this is not a serious travel trip, as much as it’s been a vacation from my life that just happens to be in an urban environment rather than a tropical beach. All the better a little culture, and some relaxation is exactly what I was looking for. Next trip, maybe even a back packing one (wink wink hint hint) will be hard work trip, where I actually have to try haha.

So since I’m sneezing and coughing and it’s blustery outside I’ve decided I have no choice but to take easy and write. Anyway, the past couple days have been pretty all over the place for me. Brought back down to depths, to be flung right up to clouds. On I guess Wednesday it must have been (I don’t know I’ve lost track of time and even space down unda) I hopped on the 431 buses alone. Yes my first adventure on another continent unaccompanied by a chaperone. I’m 24, and I can finally say that. The 431 takes you down Glebe Point Road cuts across to George Street and goes back up to the CBD. I got off about 10-20 blocks away from the street I was supposed to get off and basically zigzagged for about an hour until I ended up on the front step of the Museum of Sydney. I had doubts about my sense of direction, and like an ashamed geography I did double-check my map, but I was always going the correct direction! I’ve never spent so much time between skyscrapers, and just like the night Anna and I walked home through the CBD there were people everywhere…going to stop right there Taylor has decided my lap is for cats not computers and fingers are scratchies and not typing and since I was robbed of a kitty recently and don’t see any kitties in my foreseeable future, I cant say no!

And she’s had enough. I am a slave to the feline race I swear. Anyway while I was traipsing through the CBD, I saw from afar someone I knew. A superior from my place of employment, someone I go to questions with everyday at work. Now he was across George and I wasn’t going to risk my life running across the street, but I’m pretty damn sure it was he. I mean our parent company is based in Sydney, in one of the many buildings that I weaved in and out of that day, so it was probably him. Just waiting for confirmation from a coworker. But even so, what are the chances those 7000 miles away you’ll run into someone you know? The world is a small place.
The Museum of Sydney is pretty tiny. I mean it’s not bad, there are things to learn about Sydney but it’s only 3 stories and I’d say less then 10 rooms, with different things. I was most interested in the aboriginal stuff I might find in there, and of course while every other room was dedicated to the first fleet and exhibit on the depression, the building or the Opera House etc., there was only one small cramped room for the aboriginal people their culture, history, and of the what the land called Gadigal was like before Sydney was built on top of it. Very disappointing. There are uncanny similarities between Native American issues and aboriginal one’s here in Australia. And most of those similarities sadly are negative.

After I left the museum I made my way to the bus stop, got off at the bottom of Glebe and marched my way back up to Anna’s house stopping at shops and things on the way. I couldn’t help myself I had to get a bag of Smithies crisps and two Mars bars. But I made it home, and there was Anna waiting like a worried mum. “I feel bad I should have packed you a lunch, were you cold, it was cold today, did you take your coat?”

Yesterday, oh yesterday. I swear this always happens, everyone IMs and emails me within a 20-minute period. This is when my emotional state really deteriorated. Will I go into that here in my Australia posts, no. I suppose I sort of brought it on myself, and I hope my explanation can be understood and respected, but as of now I cannot deal with this till I get back to the States and away from Aussie posting. Needless to say I had a rough morning, and am grumpy about its residual side affects. However there amazing people in my life, and to those people I say thank you. You lifted me back up to the clouds, you know who you are :)

After that, we decided SPA DAY. Having decided not to go to Hunter Valley we decided to spend a chunk of change at Natures Energy. I’ve never been to a day spa before, seemed like exactly what I needed. We spent 30 nude minutes in the Luke warm spa (they call hot tubs, spas here, and apparently like them luke warm) then bundled up in robes and upstairs we went for 60-minute massages. Anna and I later discussed how massages in general should be included in because you really are removed from society. It’s like a rift in the matrix, a place suspended. I’ve never gotten a professional massage before, and it was lovely. Then I got my nail, god knows why, because Caitlin doesn’t do the whole Mani Pedi thing…but yes now I have hot pink toenails people. Afterward we froze our Asses off running home in the cold. I’m sure that didn’t help me, because when I got home the snots started.

So here I am with my roll of toilet paper watching some TV, catching you fine readers up on my blog.

Ps I have hope in people, but my heart knows best. I'm listening to it, and it needs to grow, change and time will tell. At the spa, we were asked to write down a wish and to tie it to their wish tree. I wished for the strength to remain true to myself and what I want for me.

Notes from the journal:
-Burger King is called Hungry Jacks here.
-I must be the only tourist in the world to make a note of the card shop I just saw on George with Magic the Gathering posters in the window.
-Ew. They pronounce Nissan here “niece-en”. What the heck people, learn to speak English! Wait that's Japanese never mind.

Read more...

The Sites you must Sight

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Wednesday morning June 9th

Some Tips
When you’re at the mall in Sydney stay on the left side of the moving stairs and walkways.

Do not tip more than a couple dollars, and only tip if you think they were extra special to you.

If you take the bus, make sure you ask the driver to let you know where your stop is, since they do not announce it.

You are always the same person no matter where you go. I still miss Jordan, even here thousands of miles and months later. And I don’t really feel bad about myself for saying it or even thinking it. And even thousands of miles away you can grow closer to someone. I’m not sure how to feel about that, except butterflies. I guess I’m saying, there is confirmation that no matter where you go, you take yourself with you. A mini escape can only remove you so far from your life. But you are always you.

The Sites you must Sight.

Anna and I did the obligatory Opera House and Harbor bridge visit via walking around the Circular Quay (pronounced ‘key’) and a quick walk through the botanical gardens. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t like I felt forced to do it at all, in fact I’ve wanted to get up close and personal with that big pointy building for years. It’s so pretty down there that I might have to go back before I leave. We all associate the Golden Gate Bridge with San Francisco, but the Opera House seems to be an even more powerful symbol for Sydney. First of all it’s quirky as heck, which fits Australia quite well. Since everything here is just a little quirky in some way. I mean they have giant hopping and boxing pouched animals hopping around. Sometimes when you get up close to something you’ve only seen in pictures, it can be quite disappointing...some hotels in Vegas are like that. But the Opera House does not disappoint, in fact you want to take so many pictures of the weird angles and pointy roofs that it’s hard to walk by it without staring at it’s magnificence. It really is amazing.

I guess when I look at the pictures I took of us standing around in front of the Harbor bridge and the Opera House it seems more real to me, that I actually stood there in front of it, finally. It was such a lovely day out, quite crisp and Anna and I must have been the only people in summery dresses. I feel like the only thing that could have made this day out more special is if Olga were there too. We miss you lovely!

Strolling through the botanical gardens past a heard of cockatoos I think was even more surreal than standing in front of the Opera House. They waddled around like ducks scraping their faces against the grass. It got even crazier when I took underneath the flock of bats hanging upside down. I really want to take one of those things home! They’re the size of house cats, with cute fox faces and wings! I’m going to have to come back during better lit hours, because frankly the only people left in the park at dusk are couples making out and bats. I’ve never felt more awkward and creeped out at the same time.

On our walk back, through the CBD at night we passed hundreds of trendy business people, vacating the buildings and heading to their respective homes. They were all bundled up in boots and lovely coats, walking with determination. The CBD is definitely that the business district, these folks are businessy. It’s bustling and I imagine this is what any city with more than just a few sky-scrapers (like in LA) bunched up together would feel like. I liked it.

Read more...

Day 3 and 4

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Monday morning June 7 (pictures will be posted on facebook, eventually)

Eskie = Cooler box. Box of many sizes used for keeping drinks cold.

Ibis situation
The White Ibis is a wading water bird, white all over with black leathery neck and legs, and a long curved bill. Apparently since the 1970’s this bird has started migrating into urban areas due to drought in their natural habitat, and their numbers have only increased. The government hasn’t decided weather they are a nuisance or need protection. But either way, I was quite surprised to see one in the middle of the CBD right before we were going to catch our bus for the food tour. I walked right up to it, it had no fear of people and its feathers were gray from its new diet of human leftovers.

Ultimate Gourmet Food Tour
Brilliant. A small group tour of different places in Sydney. Our guide Scott piled us into the van and explained everything we went past, even though I was the only real vacationer. Many of the other folks were either foreigners living in Sydney or Sydneysiders themselves. And there are only about 10 people per tour, making for an intimate and less frazzled experience. We went on the Western tour, meaning we visited different places in the Inner West part of city. First we kicked off the tour by stopping over at a coffee roaster providing many of the gourmet restaurants in Sydney with coffee. The owner is literally the Willy Wonka of coffee, the only question we could stump him with was ‘how many beans goes into one cup?” However he was able to break down the molecular biology of his beans, and explained how different roasting machines work. His apparently is preferable because the beans are roasted by hot air, rather than direct heat.

Then we moved on to a gourmet spice shop, owned by someone who many people claim to be the spice guru of Sydney, Ian Hemphill (nickname Herbie). This place was fantastic and tiny. They sell spice kits with recipes and anything you can think of herb and spice wise. Anna bought his cook book and the spice kit to accompany it, perfect for her growing pantry. I got my mum a little something too!

My favorite part was our visit to PR Raineri an authentic Italian deli. The place is crowded, bustling and filled to the brim with imports from Italy and local Italian products. We were treated to platters of olives, salami, proscuitto, chicken, octopus, cheeses, bread and olive oil, and they even made a pasta right then and there with lemon half dried pasta, cheese, parsley and olive oil. Now I don’t know that much about Italian antipasto, although I like to think Bay Cities in Santa Monica is the southern California authority, but I can safely say Raineri’s blows Bay Cities out of the water. The procuitto melted in my mouth, I have never had anything even close to it in the States. The cheeses were out of this world, especially the ricotta; I could have eaten spoonfuls with nothing else. Anna and I bought some of their asiago and a dozen slices of salami home. This place was beyond amazing in every way. Plus it’s family owned.

Then we went to a fancy Belgian chocolate place, whose ganache was quite spectacular. Our last stop was a wine seller in Annandale where some fancy wine guy was doing a tasting, but I went and scouted out the beer situation. Happy Golbin and Fat Yak were two I purchased. I laughed my ass off at the six-pack of corona for $20 Australian. I feel bad for the poor soul who buys that.

Thank you Anna for the bestest trip idea ever. Food tours are right up my alley!!!!!! I guess that is why I like yelp so much. But having been here, I would absolutely have to say, I really do not advocate Yelp coming to Australia. I feel like the way you shop and dine in Sydney would be completely ruined by Yelping. The intimate local shops and cafes are special in their own neighborhoods and really that’s how you should find these places, by stumbling upon them, and not researching them. LA is too vast for that however, and the quality of many places is subpar. SO you do want to look up places in LA, while in Sydney almost everywhere you’re guaranteed something amazing.

A Night Out
My first night out on the town in Sydney was let’s just say ‘epic’ on many levels. Epic failure, epic fun, epic disaster, epic hotness. Anna and I first killed a $30 bottle of Champagne together, then piled in a cab to Newtown to see some indie rock band Birds of Tokyo, who if I weren’t drunk might have been boring as all hell, even though everyone in the place was going nuts over them. Either way drinks kept coming from Anna’s lovely girlfriends so needless to say I was pretty darn plastered by the time we headed over to the next place. A 3-story bar/club called Zanzibar. I had something called a Gingerman for $15, which basically pushed me over the edge. But the bartender was out of this world pretty, so I went and got another one. On our way to the next bar, I only made it the planter outside. The bouncer was amazing, he brought me a bottle of water (although all I remember were his feet). We grabbed a cab home, and I don’t really recall the rest of the night except barfing in Anna’s toilet, and getting all emotional which seems to happen a lot to me when I drink that much. I haven’t had a night like that in years either, and I remember why. Although the night ended in ridiculousness, I really like the Sydney nightlife scene. Or what I can remember. Places where you can walk, or cab between bars really do have the best drinking atmosphere. Makes me loathe LA more and more.

The next day (Sunday) of course was spent recuperating, with endless salami and cheese sandwiches.

Read more...

Sydneysiders and Aspirations

Friday, June 4, 2010

Saturday Morning June 5th

Yesterday it poured and poured. Apparently this has been the wettest May in about 10 years, great for the Australian drought, but not so great for the locals. It seems most ‘Sydneysiders’ cannot cope with poor weather. To them it’s the greatest and most unbearable nuisance. A depression of sorts has settled over the locals who would prefer their sun-oriented city just that, sunny. Either way on account of the rain I stayed home snuggled on Anna’s couch with Taylor the B&B’s cat and watched the Australian food channel. Australian TV reflects closely the actual vibe I’ve experienced while here so far. “Laid back” is the best way I can label it. No one is freaking shouting at you in commercials and they use slang freely in supposedly serious newscasts. Watching TV is like slowing down. Or at least the food channel appeared that way. My personal favorite was The Cook and The Chef, a show with a middle aged woman and a young trendy chef stand around exchanging recipes that are completely the opposite. In fact most of the Australian cooking shows I watched, all consisted of two hosts playing off of each other and making light-hearted jokes at each others expense.

After my day of vegetating, Anna and I attended a going away dinner for one of her closer friends here, an American who’s been here for close to a year. I’m happy Anna has found the people she’s always wanted to surround herself with in life. Two of the American’s in attendance had just returned from a 3 week road trip via camper van through southern Australia and all the way up to Alice Springs. My god I’ve never wanted to walk in someone elses shoes so badly. Road tripping through Australia (or New Zealand) is one of my top travel ideas. Meeting two people who actually did this, had an amazing time has really left me with an intense desire to do something very similar, and very soon. Sadly not this trip, but damnit I’m coming back. I need to find that special travel partner however. I think what made this couple’s trip more amazing, is that they weren’t a couple at all. In fact they were acquaintances with similar aspirations, which were introduced, as ‘you guys would be perfect travel buddies’. Maybe I’m saying this because I’m beyond jaded still, but I find the appeal of going with a boyfriend type figure to be obnoxious and stifling. I feel like if this distant goal ever comes to fruition I’d want nothing romantically to do with the person I’m traveling with, and frankly I’d want it to be a boy.

Something else rather interesting I learned through conversation with the Australian’s at this dinner party, is that Australian’s don’t suffer from a lack of employment. In fact most people in Sydney are relatively comfortable expense wise, but they’re not challenged enough with opportunities for advancement, and that has caused a sort of lull in the need to strive to be the best at something. I mean who the heck knows if this generalization is anywhere close to fact, but I’m just passing along the information that some locals feel about their city.

Anyway, that is all for now, off on a market food tour!

Read more...

24 Hours in Sydney

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Friday Morning June 4 (Yes this is Caitlin of the future)

So I believe in miracles. Because somehow after watching Avatar the first few hours of my plane ride I actually fell asleep and woke up with only 3 hours to go. Glorious! So I arrived, feeling like I’d hardly traveled 7500 miles, but rather took a long car ride. It still hasn’t settled in that I’m even on another continent. I’ve been trying my best to take notes, so that I could accurately describe my feelings on this other continent, but I’ve been a poor travel writer. So let me summarize so far:

When I first arrived it was dark, I slipped easily enough through customs, and stuffed myself in a cab. “Glebe please”, I said to the driver then smashed my face against the window and searched for the CBD (Central Business District) skyline. Suddenly it loomed ahead of us shrouded in gray rain, pointy and lumped together so no building was individually distinguishable, this gave it a space age quality.

Yes, the weather has been rainy, which most people here have told me they do not like. I love it! The rain here reminds me of Humboldt’s summer storms, brief downpours and a slight chill to the air, but in no way freezing by any means. Then suddenly the sun will come out, and everything is wet and sparkly.

I guess I expected to be more shocked, or intrigued is perhaps the right word, as we sped along to Glebe. But I guess it’s not surprising that I felt reminded of Britain, driving on the left side, the traffic signs have similar designs, even the pavement eerily remind me of Britain. Plus I guess I’m used to English being spoken with a foreign accent, it hasn’t really tripped me up yet to hear other folks speaking. I arrived within 20 minutes at Anna’s front gate, but I still didn’t feel like I was on another continent. I punched in the code, maneuvered my way through leaves and cat poo to her porch. The most noticeable difference I have to say, are the noises the birds make. There aren’t annoying sparrows chirps, but rather long whistles and shrieks, and sometimes the laugh of a kookaburra.

After catching up with Anna, drinking tea and eating Australian crumpets, I took a shower. I like judging a place by the feel of it’s water. Southern California water, just feels harsh, or to me it feels like it’s traveled hundreds of miles through concrete and pipes, because well it has. Sydney’s is glorious, even if it too was probably pumped here. Or maybe it’s Anna’s glorious showerhead.

Having walked up and down Glebe Point Road a couple times now, I’ve discovered one of my favorite things so far, the shopping situation in Glebe. There aren’t mega stores, (perhaps there are in suburbs father out) but here on Glebe Point Road they only have a few shops carrying everything, most are individual bakers, fruit and ‘veg’ shops, and meat shops, and fish shops, flower shops, shoe repair shops all lined up neatly every few blocks or so.

Anna and I ate at her favorite café ‘Elizabeth’s’ one of many small cafes and restaurants along the road. I have to say, service is very slow but that’s an Australia norm since tipping is all but non-existent here. But holy crap, the mushroom bruschetta I had was amazing. In fact all the food I have eaten here either from café or ‘veg’ shop, baker, or otherwise has been, well better. Better quality, better flavor, I don’t think of giant trucks shipping the fruit in (although it probably does) the way I feel like it is when I buy from massive super markets back home. Another reminder of how much I like places of smaller scale.

Last night, we hopped buses in the pouring rain to cross the Harbor Bridge into the North Shore to go to a benefit. Sydney is pretty trendy, but not in the pretentious LA way, and not in the quirky British way. Most people here seem to dress practically but don’t skimp out on style for trend. And my god I have never seen so many young and beautiful (and mostly white or Asian people) walk by me on the street at one time. So I may feel ugly as heck, but at least my ‘style’ seems to fit in quite nicely haha.

On the cab ride home from the North Shore I wiped the condensation from the taxi window and stared up at the dark CBD buildings, twisted my neck around to get a better view of the bridge itself, it still didn’t hit me that I’m in Sydney. This morning waking up after a luxurious night of solid sleep, it still has not settled in that I am in Sydney.

So yes, Sydney isn’t a giant city like LA, most cities aren’t…but Sydney is only one tiny point on a vast continent, who’s scale is bigger than I could possibly grasp having only been here 24 hours. Although I may not get to see most of that continent this trip, I try to imagine what lies beyond the horizon when I look out over Anna’s porch at the rolling hills of Glebe. Try to envision red sand, koalas, kangaroos, eucalyptus woodlands etc. all the things people think of when they think Australia, and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that those things do exist and are only several hundred miles away from me, rather than 7000.

In the meantime I’ll try to take more notes about the vernacular of Australia. Things we don’t see on TV, don’t read in books, don’t see in movies.

Read more...

  © Blogger template Noblarum by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP