I am the luckiest girl in the world! This month is going to be sooooo great! I really can't ask for anything else right now, so Thank You!

Read more...

I have truly met some lovely people out here. My coworker from Vanderbilt surprise emailed me last week in regards to his rental. It was right in the middle of one of the more frustrating mornings I was having and I was pleasantly surprised. Drack-a-lak and I went out to see it Friday night. A cute little two bedroom 1930s bungalow in a neighborhood called Inglewood (haha). It has a fenced back yard which is rare in Nashville and a pretty sweet front porch. A gas range stove, which for rentals is also rare. It felt small and cramped but that's because the current tenants are those people who have too many pets, too much stuff and keep the blinds closed. I had a dream about it last night because when I'm anxious I tend to dream about what is at the top of my mind. In that dream I imagined the ugly dark brown paint in the dining room was a butter-cream color and the huge windows in there were open wide. The other awesome deal is that I know my landlord, won't be charged a security deposit and can really do whatever I want to the place. I can paint it, adopt cats no extra, raise some garden planters etc. It's a deal too good to pass up. I gave notice to move in last night and the necessary arrangements will soon be made. Most likely I'll move in sometime after July 1st.

Read more...

This is a hard post to start. I've got a lot to say about Ayurveda. Let me preface by saying I think mostly it's because I cannot fully dedicate myself to the regimen. It's hard living in someone's house that is not your own, with their kitchen. I think in order to do Ayurveda you have to have my boss's lifestyle. Which I think is inherently the reason Ayurveda really only works for a select folk. BUT I do believe there are practices and certain things that one can adopt to one's lifestyle without going all the way. Starting last week I've been exhausted (pre-ayurveda) I can't explain why. I think also there may be underlying Caitlin issues involved. But the point of this is when I reduced my intake of food to only three times a day it ravaged my system. I couldn't eat enough food in one sitting to tide me over, resulting in a blood sugar crash before lunch and before dinner cause I hadn't been able to eat enough at breakfast and lunch. I had headaches the past two evenings. However I do feel like the massage oil in the shower is help my rough patches of skin to smooth out, which is lovely.

I have questions about Ayurveda as well. I mean what about marathon runners? What about athletes? What about folks who work through the lunch shift? The answer to that is, they can't really do Ayurveda in the strictest sense. The other thing is, there are plenty of other ways to ingest food across the globe that seem to be working out fine for those people, I mean look at Japan, they live forever! I just think it's really a matter of balancing and taking things from different places that work for you and your body and mind.

Also when one starts the (or any) regimen, I personally believe they should be eased in to it. Giving up all my 'bad habits' in one shot did not work at all. I'm still loosely sticking to the guidelines, while at the same time wondering if some of the herbs are making my exhaustion worse. I slept 15 hours last night and I still feel like sleeping. I have no appetite for talking even, I don't feel cheerful whatsoever and Drack has noticed. Today I felt a glimmer of myself and he said "there's Caitlin". What's wrong with me? I couldn't tell you. We got a major break in the house hunting department and will be checking out a sweet and very cute 1930's bungalow tomorrow (more details about that after then). Even so, I just can't muster the energy to even smile about it. When I think about what affect that may be having on my ability to manifest clients at work, I worry.

At first I thought it was from the stress Drew had been going through last week with the family and stuff. But he's over it and it's really been settled now. Please let this be one of those dumb Caitlin 'fear to commit' things...a lingering cloud from shit that happened to me in the past, forcing my survival instinct to kick in. Unfortunately in this case, it's to shut down emotionally in order to avoid pain. Just like when I had that mini freak out before I moved here. Please be something that silly.

OR god...maybe I have mono...

Read more...

Ayurveda

So I had my first ever Ayurveda consultation and I think it would be really neat to share about it. So here it goes.

Ayurveda is a holistic and ancient way to approach life. I mean really it's a system of healing...but it ends up being a lifestyle in order to balance the elements. In research and discussion with the other girls who are trying out the lifestyle, since we have access to our very own consultant for free, I've really come to see it as a logical approach to self preservation and you don't even have to get all spiritual about it either.

Most likely you'll be asked to fill out a questionnaire about your daily routines and circle from a list of seemingly peculiar options having to do with whether you are Kapha, Vata or Pitta. Mostly folks who are imbalanced are some of all three. One of the first things a consultant will ask (I assume should ask) is, "in your own words describe your goals, health wise". Mine were: manage my digestive system to prevent bloat, irregularity, and to efficiently eliminate toxins that most likely cause my oily skin and migraines. Balance my moods so I am better able to handle stress by checking my anxiety especially around my monthly cycle. Now my answer was made of prior knowledge and my preconceived notion of how the body works. But it could be much simpler. The consultant will take your pulse, examine your finger nails, and ponder your tongue.

My consultant explained to me that my Vata is sort of out of whack. Vata is wind and currently my vata is flowing up when it should be flowing down. This is caused by a lot of diet choices including snacking and drinking cold beverages but also it can just be genetic. I mean yeah that sounds super simple and we shall see how some simple changes may affect the flow of my Vata. In theory drinking water room temperature and/or hot (not tea) will bring the heat down from my head to my belly where it should be. It will relieve my migraine pain and allow my food to digest normally. Now snacking is quite possibly one of the worst things you can do and unfortunately for most people it's practically impossible to avoid. For many of us we've heard that 'eating small meals through out the day is healthier'. When this can't possible be farther from the truth, well according to Ayurveda. Another thing that may be affecting my mood, pms, and migraines is my fluctuating blood sugar levels, which my friends is directly related to a snack riddled daily routine. The idea of snacking is truly a development in the past 20-30 years. I mean did farmers run around with protein bars when they ran their tractors up and down fields all morning and afternoon? No. Protein bars, trail mix and other small intake diets are directly related to people who are body builders in the 80's and/or to treating diabetics. When in reality we're not burning the calories during out resting periods, morning-afternoon-and sleep. In Ayurveda one should rise early and eat breakfast quite soon after eliminating your waste. It should be enough food to last you till lunch so about 5 hours away. Lunch should be your biggest and hardiest meal and should last you through till dinner another 5ish hours away in which you should eat something smaller. The middle of the day is when 'your digestive fire is the most active'. In theory I should be able to get between meals completely energized without small blood sugar crashes after every snack. My body is technically fasting during those breaks and at night when I am sleeping I will be burning calories because I will burning my body fat and the waste will be expelled in the morning. OKAY and JUST so you know I may not be explaining this correctly. BUT however it was explained made sense, anyway! How the hell I am going to give up snacking is beyond me but I am determined to try. I can distinctly remember feeling extremely healthy and energized when I went to summer camp and ate full meals 3 times a day, so something tells me this Ayurveda thing maybe on to something.

The other thing about diet is the importance of how you eat and what you eat. Not just chewing your food slowly but really being conscious of your intake. Mentally telling yourself you're eating a nice meal and really making it almost a 'you and your food' date. Then of course what you eat is incredibly important too. And no you don't have to cut out potato chips, if you want those add them to your mealtimes. If you want a cookie have that at mealtime. It's really more about eating 3 meals and eating seasonally. For example hard cheeses are supposed to be eaten in fall, while ricotta is great for summer. Or Quinoa is great for Spring while barley is perfect in summer. I've believed that for a longtime but it's hard to know what is in season and what is not when we get our food from all over the world. But I've got my shopping list and I am prepared to experiment.

My consultant prescribed some herbs we carry at the shop, so I'm starting on Kapha Digest: Formula known as "trikatu' a combination of herbs enkindles the digestive fire, reduces excess kapha and promotes healthy digestion. It contains a blend of ginger root, black pepper fruit and pippali fruit taken in pill form 15 minutes before meals. I will also start on a blend of herbs for anxiety once our deliveries come in next week. When I bathe I am to use Vata massage oil which is comprised of sesame oil, olive oil, ashwagandha, bala, shatavari, passionflower, bhringaraj, licorice, lemon verbena, tulsi, and valerian. When I am clean I will rub the vata oil (which I added several drops of lemon grass and lavender essential oils to) all over my body minus the face and then rinse, not cleaning it off just rinsing. This should act as my daily moisturizer throughout the day. I am to drink 64 oz of hot or body temp water per day and exercise at least once a day.

I will go back for my official consultation in two weeks. Till then lotsa water, no popsicles, no snacks and more being present during meal times.

Read more...

I was already on the hunt but now with two it will be easier. September 1st that is the deadline. It's not actually what we have to do that is so hard, in fact we're ecstatic and excited.

Finally temperatures will drop below 90 degrees. Lovely! We skipped over spring mostly because of the freakish storms we had all through April and May. But it's too soon for this kind of heat. Although it's intense, I sort of expected worse. Everyone keeps telling me it will be but there is something different about damp heat. It sticks to you but it doesn't dry you out. It's like swimming in a hot tub, yes you can't handle it for too long but at least you're not parched.

Read more...

The nightmare that has been this week has caused the stress and anxiety to creep back in to me. I knew I felt something different in the air. I felt it deep in my belly. I couldn't put my finger on it but my internal self knew something was up. At least I'm not alone. And really in the end, it isn't the end of the world and it really doesn't concern me. I'm just indirectly affected by it. Perhaps this is the reason I cannot find anywhere to live. Maybe it wasn't meant to be because of the failure to communicate true feelings. We shall see where I am at in the next few months geographically speaking.

I saw my first lightning bug last night...and then another and another and I really thought I had lost my mind for a second until I realized the little bursts of light were real. As the cicadas make their exit these amazing little flies light up the night. I don't know how people aren't more intoxicated with them. They make me believe in magic.

Read more...

I've been on the verge or updating for days.

Cicada Diaries
And so the dwindling begins. The majority of the brood have died off and now the only one's singing are those who emerged late. It's eerily quiet where it used to be deafening...and suddenly my jog/walks are more pleasant again. Cicadas are no longer flying in and out of my car windows on the highway. Some will probably still remain as long as it's hot...but I think for the most part the peek is over.

In other news
No wait really? When I googled the IP Address I wasn't really surprised. I was more confused. Still? Why? And although I'm only 90% positive I know who it is, I cannot be sure, but it's just too big of a coincidence geographically. And if it is, how pathetic. Delusional, keep telling yourself you're a better person now. I suppose it's my fault for picking a password previously shared but for other things.

Again in other news
I haven't had my ayurveda consultation yet...but I had a massage like no other by our most prominent therapist. Let me tell you I swear I believe in magic now. But really this magic is all grounded in science. It's just years and years of practice. Amazing wealth of knowledge from experience and training. Energy work truly makes me believe in healing beyond conventional modern medicine. I have never felt this good physically.

Please reader send me all your positive energy and thoughts while I continue to search for a place to live, my strength is wearing thin.

Read more...

I may have low grade fibromyalga and no I'm not being a hypochondriac.

Read more...