Brains!

In the bathroom I turned all the lights off, and raised the water higher then usual. It was burning hot; my feet were red for hours after. The steam swirled around me and I thought I was outside in the freezing cold mist of Humboldt. On my stomach I was able to submerge my head and ears so that I could get some sort of pure silence. The TV and voices disappeared. The silence was comforting and there the water burned up a lot of anger. I blew bubbles and threatened the water with a surge of waves. I lay half suspended in the tiny tub and thought about how I could be better. There was no offer of advice. Minutes passed and I continued to soak my face and submerge my ears. The water was the place I felt best, the best of the whole day in the hot water. I imagined it passing through my skin to my soul where it tried so hard to cleanse. Warm water makes me feel safe; I think the warmth is precisely the reason why. Baths are always my first remedy for almost anything. I reluctantly left the tub later, and returned silent. I was warm in the chill of the room. Nothing could touch me. And I waited again, just waited for something. Always waiting.