Brains!

Now, with things such as facebook and myspace one can be nosey. Back even just a few years ago, if you stopped talking to a person, it likely meant you had no idea what they had become. Now it’s on the Internet for everyone to see. I look at these pictures, people I used to play with as a kid, partying, drunk different hair cuts- me included. I don’t know if it makes me lazier, or more interested in getting in contact with these people once again. Sometimes I am jealous, sometimes I'm frightened. Mostly I feel old. I skipped, or rather, was never going to have a wild collegiate life. But it doesn’t bother me that much, plus you never know really what’s down the road.

As people get older I can see why the word meaning might grow into a flower, or brick for that matter. You keep wondering what your meaning is. When you’re young no one thinks they are going to have to actually work, the world revolves around a child in their perception. Then you learn that there’s other people suffering or reaching some level of enlightenment and one wonders where they stand in all that mess. What the hell is one supposed to be doing? Meaning is a tough word. It’s great if you can find it, bad when it’s the used the wrong way and scary when you can’t find it at all.

As for me, and anyone my age who is freaking out about their meaning in life, I don’t really think we can honestly. Twenty, you’re only twenty, I remind myself. I say, you just came out of your teenage years where things were really fucked up, and you’ve really only just begun to live. I think sometimes it just happens, we can’t necessarily go looking for it. And worrying about it certainly doesn’t help the situation. You can’t go around expecting the world to change with the snap of your fingers; you have to work at it. Everything comes with work. I hate that most-that there’s no magic spells to cure cancer, no magic seeds to regrow forests in a day, no way to really know where you are going to end up. Right now, learning to live is probably the most important thing. Gaining tools of some kind to do so.

However I still spend a lot of nights in bed talking to myself, what am I doing here? What am I going to be doing? What’s the difference between the bed and me? Who is this person laying next to me, and why do I wan them to be there next to me? I guess this is why faith is so attractive, especially to people who are getting older. They want to know they fit, and they are wanted, that they were meant to be put on this earth, that they have meaning.