Brains!

So...in anticipation...and probably judgement clouded by excitement and ignorance...I down loaded the pre-expansion World of Warcraft patch. Basically this patch serves as a stepping stone before the expansion, often times Blizzard will release one pre-major game changes.

Anyways...it ended up just hurting me. Now what I mean by that is, I am constantly forgetting how stupid I am. How I am the worst WoW player on earth...there are 15 year olds better then me. It started when I checked out the new Acheivement feature and just grew angry about it not counting "achievements" I had completed many times years ago. Then I examined my talent tree, knowing I had new points to spend, but had no idea what I was doing. I stood around knowing that in no way ever was I going to be good at this game. I would just sit around doing nothing...again. In the end realized what the point of this post is about:

I suck.

Maybe WoW was never my type of game. Maybe I'm overreacting about something incredibly dumb. Think what you will. Its disheartening and embarassing to know that I suck at it. In fact I can't think of one thing I'm actually good at doing. There isn't anything I'm not more then mediocre at. Can you think of one? I can't. Anything I might have come close to being good at, I stopped or disappeared from my life. Even the intangible.

Either way, I feel sick. Its strange. I know its probably PMS...hormones raging, but I literally feel sick and sad and depressed and like I'm going to fucking cry. Like really this is what I'm doing with my life. Fuck. Its not evend that I'm not doing something spectacular, its that all the vernacular is being done shitty because I suck. Maybe what makes it worse is that, there is no more support for this sort of thing, its always me on my own. Me learning. I want someone to take care of me for a change today. I'm sick of being independent. I'm sick of feeling fucking alone, holding on to the stone at the bottom of the sea. I want it to hold me to it.