Brains!

Health

I haven't been to see a doctor I felt comfortable with or thought actually cared about me, except once. The one time I got a paps at the HSU Health Center, was the one time I actually felt like the doctor was speaking to me as a human being, and not as a host for disease that had to be conquered, tamed, kept in check. The doctor I met today didn't like to make eye contact with me, had a weak hand shake, and made weird comments like, "back in the day, where I used to live, I would have done this procedure myself, but I have to refer your to a surgeon". Nurses are even worse. The nurse was beyond nervous when he came in and applied the ear drops for an ear lavage. Then he forgot me for 3o minutes and I had to wander the halls looking for someone. Finally when he did come to do the lavage he was silent as the dead, and just did the motions. I don't think this is an entirely American medicine flaw either...the nurse at Cue Doc in Carlisle jabbed and prodded my eye ball like she was checking the doneness of a piece of meat she was grilling. American ugrent care free clinics are just as bad. Nurses forget you, doctors see you as 'cure administered, mission accomplished, cross off the list, next". I swear I felt more comfortable in the receptionists presence at both the doctors offices I visited today.
So I ended up leaving with a referral to the surgeon on the 4th floor, whom I made an appointment with for tomorrow. If I get the lump removed I'll have a %40 copay...is health insurance really worth it? Is health care really worth it? It's not health care...its health war. War after the fact. I don't feel like anyone is preventing anything from happening to me, they are only there when theres a task set, a problem to be solved.

If I could imagine the perfect meeting with a new doctor, it would be, me meeting my doctor to have a face to face talk, not in an examination room. First we would discuss my health history. Then we would discuss what I do to keep myself healthy, which would lead to any concerns I have currently. Then we would head to the examination room to look at the concerns. Doctors would bring the nurses in and say, this person is going to do this procedure. They wouldn't disappear for 15 minutes, they would explain everything they are doing, even if I say "I have had this done before". I guess I need less of a sterile, more of a family feeling doctors office, which lets face it, doesn't exist in LA.

Jobs

In job news, yes I've been applying to all kinds of listings on craigslist and indeed.com for office work etc. And I even applied to work at Jordan's company...but so far have recieved no response from anything... So I've down graded to sales positions. Sales+Caitlin=the girl at the store who's rude as fuck when you ask questions.
Fresh & Easy Market, sales associates in Simi Valley, and then Dr. Schulze’s American Botanical Pharmacy, sale associate in Marina Del Rey. We'll see if I get calls back for those. I was going to apply at Whole Foods or Trader Joes, but neither are hiring at any of their locations in Los Angeles or Thousand Oaks. Not even Rainbow Acres is hiring. There is going to be a gigantic new Target at the Fox Hills mall, which will probably open in a few months, if I can't get a job by then, at least there will be tons of new openings at the new Target. But how will I get to my new job without a car if it's too far to bus or bike?!

Random Weather

If all these depressing things weren't enough, the monotony of waking up to the ever present marine layer is really taking its toll on my sanity. However just now, only moments ago, a roar of grumbling thrunderous moaning eminated from sky. Todays marine layer is being bullied by a freak storm thats not dropping any rain, but moving over LA. Its a different cloudiness, becuase these clouds are dense, thick, and ultimately the world is dark. Marine layers, are like sheets that just blot out a blue sky, but its dull brightness is maddening. What a relief this darkness is. There goes another thunder clap. This time the house absorbed the booming sounds in its creaking frames. The more I think about the weather, the more I realize how much it affects my day to day being. How much it must affect everyone's, even if they don't acknoledge it. There are some anthropologists that think the ocean and the weather are intimately connected with our evolution as humans. As the storm moves off, the thunder sounds more like the deep stomache growls of a monster that hasn't fed in weeks. It holds back its wrath of water for places more deserving perhaps? Places that will appreciate and treasure its gift.