DC

I'm not really sure how to write about death, especially of someone so close, someone I liked. It feel selfish what I have written here. I won't pretend to know Daniel Cooper. Yes I saw him many nights at Thirsty Tuesday during 2009, but in no way is the shock I feel even remotely close to those people who are his dear friends. I am heartbroken for them, and every fiber of my being is sending comfort to them all.

When I heard, I immediately burst into tears. My heart sort of dropped. I was hysterical for a few minutes. All you can really do is cry, the overwhelming emotion of shock and pain was the only thing I could feel. How could this be true? It just can't be true. After a couple of minutes, my thoughts went directly to Olga and Jack. The closest people to me, who were close to Daniel. I left them a hysterical message, which in retrospect was a horrible way to let them know, but I had no idea how to react. I just needed to know that they knew. After that I spent a terrible hour wondering what to say to them. When Olga called and I could hear the distance and flat deflation in her voice, it was clear she knew obviously, we exchanged a few short words. All I wanted then was to tell her I loved her. But grieving, and mourning are wordless emotions. Words are empty when you say them. We hung up.

Like I said, I didn't know Daniel Cooper beyond our exchanges in social gatherings since the time of middle school. From a distant perspective its hard to write in words anything about him. How can you possibly describe a whole being? what I do have to say, probably seems generic, but it is true. From what I can tell he made his friends lives full. Whenever I saw him, he was engaged positively in whatever conversation was flowing in the dim lights of Father's Office. He never moped around depressed or moody. Intelligent and kind, polite and fun, behind a sometimes seemingly nervous exterior. It's not fair, to anyone. The loss of someone who contributes so much to the people around him. The potential of an intelligent, hard working, happy person, isn't fair to end. It's a crushing loss. This week has experienced human catastrophe on monstrous levels, but why did Daniel have to leave too?

The next morning, I woke up stiff and sore, and I knew I had had dozens of dreams about the people around Daniel, things I will not write about here. But it was clear to me that reaching out to anyone who needs support is the only thing someone like me can do. I've kind of been in a weird non present feeling since. Thoughts pop up, and I'm silent, still and shocked all over again. It's a sudden realization that he's gone, even though he was not a large part of my life. He's gone to those who love him, and they'll be empty forever. You don't get over it, you learn to live with it over vast expanse of time. Keeping him safe in memories, I'll not forget him.