Brains!

This is a hard post to start. I've got a lot to say about Ayurveda. Let me preface by saying I think mostly it's because I cannot fully dedicate myself to the regimen. It's hard living in someone's house that is not your own, with their kitchen. I think in order to do Ayurveda you have to have my boss's lifestyle. Which I think is inherently the reason Ayurveda really only works for a select folk. BUT I do believe there are practices and certain things that one can adopt to one's lifestyle without going all the way. Starting last week I've been exhausted (pre-ayurveda) I can't explain why. I think also there may be underlying Caitlin issues involved. But the point of this is when I reduced my intake of food to only three times a day it ravaged my system. I couldn't eat enough food in one sitting to tide me over, resulting in a blood sugar crash before lunch and before dinner cause I hadn't been able to eat enough at breakfast and lunch. I had headaches the past two evenings. However I do feel like the massage oil in the shower is help my rough patches of skin to smooth out, which is lovely.

I have questions about Ayurveda as well. I mean what about marathon runners? What about athletes? What about folks who work through the lunch shift? The answer to that is, they can't really do Ayurveda in the strictest sense. The other thing is, there are plenty of other ways to ingest food across the globe that seem to be working out fine for those people, I mean look at Japan, they live forever! I just think it's really a matter of balancing and taking things from different places that work for you and your body and mind.

Also when one starts the (or any) regimen, I personally believe they should be eased in to it. Giving up all my 'bad habits' in one shot did not work at all. I'm still loosely sticking to the guidelines, while at the same time wondering if some of the herbs are making my exhaustion worse. I slept 15 hours last night and I still feel like sleeping. I have no appetite for talking even, I don't feel cheerful whatsoever and Drack has noticed. Today I felt a glimmer of myself and he said "there's Caitlin". What's wrong with me? I couldn't tell you. We got a major break in the house hunting department and will be checking out a sweet and very cute 1930's bungalow tomorrow (more details about that after then). Even so, I just can't muster the energy to even smile about it. When I think about what affect that may be having on my ability to manifest clients at work, I worry.

At first I thought it was from the stress Drew had been going through last week with the family and stuff. But he's over it and it's really been settled now. Please let this be one of those dumb Caitlin 'fear to commit' things...a lingering cloud from shit that happened to me in the past, forcing my survival instinct to kick in. Unfortunately in this case, it's to shut down emotionally in order to avoid pain. Just like when I had that mini freak out before I moved here. Please be something that silly.

OR god...maybe I have mono...