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My blog could be considered a dangerous thing. I don't think it is. Everything I write is completely honest. Some posts are commentary, some posts are stories, some are boring, some are fun. Most often it's a window into the part of my subconscious that cannot be communicated verbally. It's meant to be the place I spill, organize and store my abstract hidden things. You can really access a lot about me through the blog, and it's partially there for that purpose. To find out the things I cannot say, and don't necessarily need to be said. But its also a tool for me, the process of writing/blogging is therapy in some sense. However, there's a lot missing. To read it, and to think that it is all of me, would be very wrong. That's why it can be misleading. A lot of people read it, and they misinterpret. No one really knows what I actually mean by a lot of the things I say, and that's not my problem. Like I said, its only there partially for the purpose of letting people into that part of me, the rest is there for me, for my subconscious to come out. To take it literally would be a dangerous thing for the reader.

Important Pieces

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along. - Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The poet Rilke was afraid that if he got rid of his demons, he would lose his angels as well. Of course the danger of clinging to our demons to save our angels is that our demons may well take over." - Tim Farrington

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is-and still not caring.
- Tom Robbins

I have a really hard time breaking my pattern of response to things. I can't shake stuff as easily or I guess I can't compartmentalize things that need to be separated and dealt with. I know logically it's useless to get stressed about it. But when I'm presented with an uncomfortable situation I feel like I've been pumped with oil, no something heavier, something more rigid. I can't express my stress anymore. I can't even speak or discuss. I don't know when this happened, but I can't communicate what I'm really feeling because I don't know what I'm feeling. I have no response to feelings of anxiety or stress, they're lodged inside of me, stuck. Nothing passes through anymore. It's like someone has shot me with a stun gun, things are still moving all around me, but I'm frozen.

We canceled cable this morning. Mostly it's to save money but I'll be interested to see what it may do for us. Freeing ourselves from the ease of getting home and just turning on the tube. I will FINALLY go to the library and get myself setup there. I will watch all my TV running at the Y. If the dinosaur egg goes south and we secure a roommate, I'll get a car I'll feel confident driving farther than the city limits in - too bad summer is over. It's going to be slim pickin's for a while, and like I said my response to things is messed up. I need to figure this out.

This Blog

Important Pieces

Friday, October 5, 2012

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