Brains!

2012 was very stable, as far as big happenings right up until the end. Even with all the financial hullabaloo there wasn't much that really changed. This year is going to be tough but also good in many ways. I'll be visiting California a few times this year and although it will be most likely very difficult I'm looking forward to it. Drack currently looking for another job. It's become obvious he is worth much more than his manager will every pay him, I'm hoping for no more empty promises. I think this is the year he'll go back to school and that will change a lot of stuff again. And we've made the decision to find a different living situation, one that hopefully will just be me and Drack and will also hopefully be in a place that heats evenly and doesn't have a moldy bathroom or warped floors. I think I've realized that the roommate thing particularly bothers me because he has the life skills of an 12 year old - this reminds me of someone in my past and that makes it all the worse. I just feel like I'm too old to listen to shitty music drowning out sex noises or tickle noises. It makes me feel weird to think I was in that place in the past, confined to my lame boyfriends bedroom doing nothing useful. I feel a thousand miles away from that. I cannot believe I found Drack. I feel like I'm constantly reminded of how lucky I am to have such an aware and open minded person as a partner. I really can't wait for every day with him.

On New Years day we went over to a friends house for black eyed peas, which if eaten on New Years day are supposed to bring you luck. I don't know if I need luck as much as I need strength and motivation. I suspect that with all these changes I'll feel very refreshed, however I think as my trips to LA progress I'll being to feel some things that I have never felt before and I guess that just comes with life unfolding and things happening that you have no frame of reference for. But it's just so goddamn unfair, and not to me. I've become very interested in how diet and essential oils can help us get through the hard times. I used to be one of those people who was suspicious of perpetually positive people, but I've come to realize it's the only way to survive. I'm considering a GAPS cleanse of sorts. They say you're supposed to do it for 2 years, it's even cured some people of chrons disease. I just feel like I need to keep trying different healing systems till I'm on the right one. Ayurveda has helped me and taught me a lot - but I just feel like there are so many amazing pathways of healing. And every person is sooooo different from our genetics, health history and even our mental willingness to accept change and how much you believe in you the treatment you're practicing. You have to combine what works for you and as you age things will change again over and over.

I think I'll also be looking in to a simple writing class in the Fall perhaps when Drew goes back to school. Something to help kick start my writing again, I have a hard time branching out with out guidance and most writing now is just 'here is what is happening'. yuck.