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My blog could be considered a dangerous thing. I don't think it is. Everything I write is completely honest. Some posts are commentary, some posts are stories, some are boring, some are fun. Most often it's a window into the part of my subconscious that cannot be communicated verbally. It's meant to be the place I spill, organize and store my abstract hidden things. You can really access a lot about me through the blog, and it's partially there for that purpose. To find out the things I cannot say, and don't necessarily need to be said. But its also a tool for me, the process of writing/blogging is therapy in some sense. However, there's a lot missing. To read it, and to think that it is all of me, would be very wrong. That's why it can be misleading. A lot of people read it, and they misinterpret. No one really knows what I actually mean by a lot of the things I say, and that's not my problem. Like I said, its only there partially for the purpose of letting people into that part of me, the rest is there for me, for my subconscious to come out. To take it literally would be a dangerous thing for the reader.

Important Pieces

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along. - Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The poet Rilke was afraid that if he got rid of his demons, he would lose his angels as well. Of course the danger of clinging to our demons to save our angels is that our demons may well take over." - Tim Farrington

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is-and still not caring.
- Tom Robbins

Shit pretty much exploded towards the end of March. Today is supposed to be the day that closure brings some sort of big monumental end to whirlwind. It really hasn't yet. Maybe when we have a couch again I'll feel differently. Bed bugs folks, are one of the most devastating things that can happen to someone. I'm not trying to be dramatic but I seriously have PTSD. We've lived in 4 places in the last month. Originally we were escaping a roommate, then we were escaping bed bugs, then escaping family, now to a one bedroom apartment complex with a scary brown shag carpet and a pretty wooded view.

I'm not sure if it's the stress or if it's the lack of grounding but I feel even more disconnected. People seem really distanced to me. Even Drack, even the cats...I feel robotic. We live rather close to a park I visited last fall, right after all the leaves fell. I've been desperate to go up there the last few days and I'm hoping the whole place isn't a swamp on Sunday (my only up coming day off) to go out there and see it in the spring time. It's been raining a lot here, which is lovely. Spring might actually be my favorite season, I know I've always been obsessed with fall but I've really enjoyed spring this year. It cheers me up when I'm cranky or upset about this whole bed bug fiasco. We've been so stagnant, waiting around for news about our bed bug settlement agreement. I feel like walking in the woods may bring an immediate sense of accomplishment.

I'm trying to peer in to the future and all I see is a vast expanse of what am I doing and what the fuck just happened?

Complainy paragraph:
I never got to go Austin for my sister's 50th birthday back in the beginning of April, again curse of the bed bug. Also our 'vacation' to Los Angeles at the end of March was also a disaster (bed bugs strike again, not to mention sinus infections). So after 2.5 years of living here, we've not had a proper vacation. Not one that has not ended in disaster after two nights or had to be cancelled before it even began. I don't even want to think about another trip anywhere...

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Important Pieces

Friday, May 3, 2013

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