Thursday, January 15, 2004
theres a heavy weight on my chest...my breathe sometimes seems to give out before i expect it to. try to breathe deeper and all i get is long and shallow breathe. empty air, like a vacum. what is wrong with me? who the hell is like this? somethings gotta just kill me i mean really this is ridiculous....the pictures, the songs, the quotes they dont work anymore. i cant paste together a barrier with them anymore. i have no love, and therefore no beauty in my life. and the fact is i if i had it would it make me feel happier? would it be a dissapointment? i dont even know what it is. what the hell am i even talking about? im like some kind of never ending english prompt. i just dont get it but i keep reading it over and over knowing i need it to go on. christ i dont even know what it would be like anyways? why the hell should i wish for it? im such a lier. such a chicken, hypocrit, self-loathing puddle!

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