Brains!

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? I mean i had a taste of something i wanted to experience for so long and it did satisfy some inner craving for a time. but now coming back to life at school, it seems like it was all a dream. It was a false elysian. Like it never really happened. There's almost no hint, except for the occasional IM and plane ticket stubs saying i went and came. I remember everything as if i had read it in a book and I have to imagine what it all looks like. The memories i am talking about are the specific ones about M.E and I. I am happy here, and happy about so many things. Yet I am hearing other peoples similar instances and watching other peoples relationships unfold and i keep thinking about it. I really liked what happened. And then we had to part and go away from each other, and frankly i think im hoping and thinking its more then it actually is. I only think this beucase i always think stuff related to this is more then it is, and in the end it turns out not to be. But becuase i am so negative about it, and becuase i knew we were going our seperate ways, and becuase i was in disbelief of it actually happening-all these things have been and are keeping me from falling completely into some wading pool of crazy crush-y-ness.



But all in all things are insane. i mean M.E will IM me, not i to him and will willingly talk to me. I do get a sense that sometimes he might be more interested in other things he is doing. Not to say that he should drop everything to talk to me, but if it were something dont you think he would answer faster? This crazy paranoia. Well all in all its keeping the wading pool in check, keeping me from totally just talking to him as if we were madly in love. keeping me waiting for him to IM, waiting between IM's. Its so disgusting really. Why does everything have to be so vague, way back when people just sent you letters expressing what thier intentions were. there was none of this snooping around. But then again back then people were betrothed, married off. I dont want anything to do with the idea of a long term thing because i am a chicken, but the idea of something some sense of security and knowlegde of what is going on would be nice. but alas! it will not be. its crazy what these things do to a person. how much it really does control our lives. i mean we think some rain, some war, and some dumb trip to the airport on the wrong day will make you crazy. But this truely drives people to the brink. Well four months ahead...i dont even want to think four months ahead.