Brains!

Stanford

This morning I left to drive at about 6:30. After getting up I felt the rush of anxiety over take me and it was so intense I could hardly handle it. I didn’t want to go, and I didn’t want James to make me. But I kept getting stuff together, and finally we left to get gas and pump up the tires. Only a thin layer of light shone up from the eastern mountains. We drove home and I blubbered like an idiot as James left the car, stood there and waved at me as I drove away. I always thought I cried because I had so much emotion, now I think it’s because I am weak. I chose to drive the Samoa way, along edge of Arcata Bay through the bottoms. Tule fog clung to the ground and swirled around like in scary movies. But the clear sky and sun’s formidable rays were comforting. I crossed the bridges into Eureka and that’s when the Father really started to come out. He hadn’t poked his head out yet, but like a backwards sunset, the sky turned pink and the cirrus clouds caught it all like sails, in their wind torn domain. Ascending the hills in to the very heart of the Redwood curtain, yellows gold’s and brilliant white light lit up the sky. I drove in and out of fog which was now receding west, over the Kings range, towards the ocean. What I didn’t anticipate was the colors of the forest. Usually I drive in the dead of winter, or summer. Things are either all green, or somewhat green with balding trees. But it’s fall and the deciduous trees were dropping their leaves. All of them much smaller then the redwood giants, they sprung up at random points. Pale green and yellow, they almost looked like new leaves because the colors were so fresh. As I got farther and farther south, driving through and out of the redwood curtain sparse trees and scrubs began to take over, but they too were wearing and autumn crown. Mostly red and blood orange colors. Trucks rushed by ripping the leaves from the trees, which snowed on to the highway piling up along the shoulders. When I got to wine country the vineyards were turning too, and the hills were neatly striped fall too. The trip took my 5 1/2 hours, which was hardly any time at all considering. The only part of the trip that was hard was probably the amount of dead deer I saw. It’s mating season so they’re especially prone to running out of their normal territories. I even saw a young stag picking at the green grass right next to the highway; a few more steps forward and a truck could easily have taken his head off. I saw dead fox, skunks, squirrels, rabbits, birds, it was all very disturbing, but a reminder that there is wild life out there. (On the way home I saw wild turkeys!) The 101 in lots of places was paved anew, CalTrans doing good work to fix up after the horrendous storms last rainy season. The slide area near Confusion Point wore a metal brassiere along its surface to give the mountainside support. “Stay up there”, I said to myself, “at least until I get home again”.

As for the whole missing James part, well like I said, “things are never as bad as they seem”. I didn’t feel like I had to call him all the time to be sane. In fact I was surprised at that fact the most. When I did call him, it was only because I was bored, or wanted to tell him something cool. I slept pretty well, considering I was sleeping on the floor. But I loved my mummy bag, and I never woke up wondering where James was. Everything felt really normal. Maybe it’s because James is so familiar to me, that he is me, so that where ever I go he’ll be there anyway. But again, this was only three days, a really great three days. In fact I don’t remember getting nervous, uppity or stressed the whole occasion, from leaving home to getting home. It all felt so normal. And seeing Olga was really great too of course. I feel like I can’t write about that cause that’s just too obvious!