Brains!

Movies & Music

Music can make a movie. I guess the recent examples are LA Confidential, which I watched today, and In Bruges, which I watched recently.

If I had a top ten-movie list, LA Confidential would have to be on it. I absolutely enjoy every aspect of the movie. Perhaps it’s because of how romantic LA seems in the 50’s. For some reason it rather endears LA to me. Or maybe it’s because no character isn’t corrupt in some fashion, even Exley (Guy Pierce). Or maybe it’s that the acting was perfect, especially Kevin Spacey. Most period movies based in that era, involving the LA crime scene and investigation are crappy. The Black Dahlia is a good example. LA Confidential mastered the cheesy and dramatic feeling because you don’t feel like the movie is cheesy or dramatic at all, which one can often be left feeling after watch crime dramas of that era. Anyway the music Jerry Goldsmith wrote is pretty damn perfect in helping with this. It totally sets the tone.
Another is In Bruges. First of all, this movie redeems Colin Farrell’s ability to act. Frankly I think he’s just made bad role choices since Tigerland. It’s a fairytale town, but often times in the shots there are no people walking around, which I think Carter Burnell the composer, must have tapped into. The piano music helps to create loneliness and isolation which Farrell’s character experiences while hiding out in Bruges. In Bruges gets close to the top of my movie list too.

A Note about Affection

I recently had a conversation with Anna about my apparent lack of affection, and practically non-existent PDA with boyfriends. But it also skirted around the issue of relationships with my family. I’m not super close to them, I never really have been? I can’t explain it. That’s all I could say to Anna, was that I couldn’t explain my lack of “intense” family ties. It’s not like I don’t love them, its just that I don’t view my parents or sisters, in the way many other people do, I guess. My dad, is often hurt by this, and it’s been discussed fairly recently. I give them hugs and kisses, and have now been conned into saying I love you on the phone, and sending thank you notes to my dad, but really I think that’s worse, because I’m doing it out of guilt. I don’t understand the point of sending a thank you note that will just be thrown away, when I can say in person, Thank you. But not expressing my affection is rather hurtful to my dad, and I really am sorry for that. Anyway it’s occurred to me that perhaps a reason is that my parents never included me in important conversations all that often when I was younger. Or it could also be related to their divorce. With my sisters its most likely the age difference, I’m too young to be included in their adult conversations and issues. I probably viewed all these things as a young person and it built up in me a lack of affection. Plus the whole, British people and their being anti-feelings.
Perhaps these things might have something to do with my clinginess to James back in the day. I didn’t want to lose anything solid perhaps, and I had to control it so much because of that. After I broke it off with him, and eventually got to the point of the weird “did that really happen?” feeling, now I’m pushed even farther away from being affectionate. Jordan pretty much accommodates my non-affectionate feelings and doesn’t offer hardly any to begin with.

Fat
I think for me gaining weight isn’t so much that I’ve actually gained weight, but how it looks. For example, on certain people the weight looks natural, like it’s supposed to be there. Aleisha isn’t super skinny, but her shape suits her entirely. I on the other hand don’t look normal with the extra pounds, because my body is not built like that. No one is telling me I look bad, but I can’t stand it to be honest. I won't write any more about that because frankly it's my responsibility, and I should know better then to think I look bad at all, and let main steam media format my brains and self image.

This is all I will post for right now.