Dreaming

When you're in dreamland and you ask yourself, "is this a dream?" and the answer is "I have no idea" it's really scary. That happened to me last night, and needless to say it was during an extremely prolonged scene. During which I felt riddled with guilt and disgust (primarily with myself), and all having to do with sex. Waking up this morning I nearly cried from the relief that it didn't actually happen and that it will never happen. This has nothing to do with the horseback riding guy, in case you were attempting to put two and two together.

I'm not sure if I feel more disgusted because of the person, or because it was a version of me a long time ago who doesn't exist anymore, regardless of the person. Sometimes I wonder if like the moon, I've forgotten a lot of things, or maybe it's because of the forgetting. This might be too intimate to really go on about on a blog, and could have been left for the journal pages, but dreams are powerful things. I don't think they necessarily mean anything, but they can certainly shake you.