Brains!

MOVE ON!

I've been thinking about why I don't write very much anymore and the only conclusion I have is that it's one of the things that got lost along the way, when I let me fears take over fully. I numbed my expressive self and focused my energies on protection from anything that could make me feel bad. The sad thing is writing made me felt good but I the idea of allowing vulnerability do it's thing was not something my body wanted for a long time.

Now I know what's up it's still hard to make the change 'to do' instead of 'think' and/or 'hide'. I suppose I feel like if I keep busy enough walls will naturally come down, if I just 'do' things will change. But I think that's partially how I got here in the first place. I stopped reflecting, stopped writing, stopped myself because I either thought I was better or I didn't want to admit I wasn't totally satisfied or I was scared of losing blah blah blah. I sort of lost my natural path some how.

Random ramblings. I'm making myself write you see. I've had this computer screen up for like 2 hours with nothing. So I just started typing and this is what it is, random stuff. Better than nothing and I hope will lead to more and more of something.