Brains!

So I’ve recently been told I’m stronger then I think I am, by someone I deem to be the strongest person I know. Is he right? I happen to trust him with every ounce of trust I have. You know I guess I believe him. I mean this past week my computer's hard drive failed, as in it is official I’ve lost everything but what's posted on my blog and my photo pages. It's amazing how hard it is to not function without it, but I’m making do on my roommate’s computer. Probably the main thing is that I’ve been cut off from the light, and only seeing it in the distant undergrowth of the dimmed forest is enough to make someone crazy chasing after it. When its there, the color comes back, the color of his eyes comes back to me. I feel like I’m half alive, like nothing makes sense when I’m not in its divine wake. But I’m still going...I haven’t just fallen over, I think it's because I know someday soon it'll come back to me. Secretly I wish for it to just suddenly catch and set the world ablaze again. I’m vaguely reminded of something from The Silmarillion- the two trees of the Valar. I can’t ask that of certain people though…it’s an intense thing to think about. Would hardly be fair, not something people do. But the more I think about the alternative-the waiting, the longing and the ultimate scary part the getting used to shadows-the more I’m frightened that I’m not as strong as he says I am. I just don’t know what to do. Is it right now? Is it too soon, is it too late? Can I go on? Is it a good idea for the physical, for the mental? Yet ...It’s dark, I’m cold…and I love him.