Brains!

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My blog could be considered a dangerous thing. I don't think it is. Everything I write is completely honest. Some posts are commentary, some posts are stories, some are boring, some are fun. Most often it's a window into the part of my subconscious that cannot be communicated verbally. It's meant to be the place I spill, organize and store my abstract hidden things. You can really access a lot about me through the blog, and it's partially there for that purpose. To find out the things I cannot say, and don't necessarily need to be said. But its also a tool for me, the process of writing/blogging is therapy in some sense. However, there's a lot missing. To read it, and to think that it is all of me, would be very wrong. That's why it can be misleading. A lot of people read it, and they misinterpret. No one really knows what I actually mean by a lot of the things I say, and that's not my problem. Like I said, its only there partially for the purpose of letting people into that part of me, the rest is there for me, for my subconscious to come out. To take it literally would be a dangerous thing for the reader.

Important Pieces

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along. - Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The poet Rilke was afraid that if he got rid of his demons, he would lose his angels as well. Of course the danger of clinging to our demons to save our angels is that our demons may well take over." - Tim Farrington

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is-and still not caring.
- Tom Robbins

He said, "Hey does anyone feel comfortable sharing some sort of personal experience like this?"
I had no idea what he was referring to. I hadnt been listening. But the older woman in the class (who always talks mind you) raised her hand. He picked on her and she told us that she used to do a lot of folk dancing. One time she danced from 9 till 5 in the morning without hardly stopping and the next day she was tired but she felt complete love for everyone she talked to. How she felt as if after dancing she was the best person she could ever be.
I guess it interested me enough to pass along the little anecdote to my blog. I sat in class after and tried to think of a time when i felt similar. But i could remember anything specific just that i knew i felt that way at some point. I guess i felt happy because i loved everything not because i was just happy in general. Because i know i could say im happy in general all the time, like the mountain under the snow metaphor i used a while ago. But this is different. This is when you have uncontrolable joy, there's no other way to describe it. If anyone out there has some sort of specific experience like this i'd like to know.

1 comments:

chad was marco, October 5, 2005 at 9:42 AM: i don't know about uncontrollable joy, but the first thing that came to my mind was the feeling you get after doing almost anything active and social and responsible (therefore not like just going to the bar). my first thought was like after a church function, like maybe when i played jesus in the youth group or served a speghetti dinner to the congregation in the downstairs banquet room. the feeling i'd get after that was so 'right'. i think it was so 'present.'

i think when you aren't present you dream for things to be better. and as your dreams aren't restricted to reality, you often dream in ideals. then, you think to be happy and content that you need to reach those ideals. but when you are totally present to the moment, acting and reacting and thinking 'on the fly,' there is no wasted time for lonely, far-away wistfulness. everything is as clear as you could imagine and you actually feel in charge of your life.

if i had seconds to spare during those times, i suppose i might realize that i was experiencing uncontrollable joy.

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Important Pieces

Tuesday, October 4, 2005

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