Brains!

What happened to me in the month of July you may be wondering?

I found out that the true nature of people could sometimes be surprising. Sometimes it’s a wonderful surprise, sometimes its down right shocking. Sometimes they even startle themselves, it’s like looking up and seeing a mirror that you didn’t know was there. Usually I think it’s a learning experience. Many people have past the threshold of what they thought they were capable of this month, including myself. I am engaging in a mutually agreed purely sexual relationship, based on my wishes to experience my life to the fullest. I’m getting all I want from it, and everyday I check in with myself, “are you growing attached Caitlin?” The answer recurs in my mind NO, and then I think well why not? And it seems my thoughts lead me like a string through a narrow corridor to the off button I have recently discovered there. I turned it off it seems in my subconscious, knowing all too well that I have no interest in that type of relationship at the moment in my life. With this person it could only lead to nothing in the end anyways. I realize that the more people I meet the more I understand what I truly want. Also another positive aspect which could sound destructive if taken the wrong way, is the self validation that I am an attractive, likeable young woman, and finally proud and confident enough to say it. I am desired, and I hope to god it doesn’t go to my head, and I can continue to go on oblivious for the most part, but in control of who I can pick and choose from. I also recently attended Comic Con in San Diego and had a freaking blast spending two nights with four boys in a hotel room. The only low point being losing my digital camera. High points included: The Family Guy panel and watching the season premier episode, buying a t-shirt with a Unicorn and a Werewolf about to start a fight, stating “It’s on now!”, pool hopping at another hotel with sex relationship boy, getting drunk at some random ass bar, and being at Comic Con in general. Oh also, impressing four boys with my ability to make tremendous fart noises by forcing air between my hands as I press them over my mouth. It will all be over soon though, heading back north the 13th. I will miss the ability to make a phone call to satisfy my intense sex drive (sorry if that’s an uncomfortable statement, but its true, and I’m proud, and I don’t freaking care what people think), Seeing Anna and Olga, and going to LA bars and night clubs for the first time, Rainbow Acres and all the employees, and so much more.

My one wish for Humboldt is that time will be able to heal the hearts of people, including my own. That my hair will stay red and my tan will last. That I can carry on with my experiences and pursue the people and things I have always wanted there. That I can find a place to live, that I can take with me all the amazing summer memories, good and bad to grow and learn from, so that I can strive to be a better person and help the friends that matter the most to me.