Brains!

I miss extremely green eyes sleepy under funny long lashes.
Finally I look at a picture and am longing so much for who is in it, in a giddy way.
I want to freeze how I felt Saturday night, the last night, and press play when I come back in three weeks.
I realize a lot now, that I didn’t see before, that all my psychosis had blocked, that AIM didn’t convey.
It feels hard to breathe only because I miss home in a different less panicked way then before.
I want to see what happens in a months worth of time, if all that happened in one weeks worth of time.
Everyday I put more confidence into proper things, and everyday I realize the less I control the more it will just happen. If I just give myself over, instead of being so damn defensive… If I just zone into the real stuff, the stuff that is hidden only because they do it differently, then I can really find some jewels.

But I am on thin ice here. Any negative pressure from outside sources, any doubts that rise up from my pool of weirdness will crack it. I'm holding onto a whisper. Help me to keep that whisper...help me to sing it at the top of my lungs...