Brains!

I’m reading the books that the HBO vampire series True Blood are based on, by Charlaine Harris. Last night, before I realized what I was even doing, I was drunk, expecting way too much and reading the first book Dead Until Dark. I laughed harder, squirmed over my bed more and even felt shy during the raunchier pages. It was interesting to say the least. I read straight through till past midnight, and realized I was doing it half because I was waiting to feel validated and learned I never will be. Stones don’t bend. They are quieter then silent, but have astoundingly absolute constitution when broadsided with water. And the water flows and flows and flows and the stone sit heavy at the bottom, letting the water flow over its long smoothed surface. There are no bowls or small cracks where the water could well up.

This morning I woke heavy, confused about vampires and me. Sometimes and quite easily I bounce back, usually after sleep my brain restarts and remembers nothing of prior. I’m generally cheery, I lay and watch for a while, sometimes slipping out silently other times staying and planting ‘wake up’ all over the place. Not today. Although things went normally on the other end, ‘pat pat’. And have resumed, even attempted compensation for last night, trying to make up.

I haven’t thought about a book this way in a long time, I want to savor its entire trashy splendor. But the timing is off. Or maybe there is no such thing, if I give myself over to the way books and movies and art and anything makes me feel then things do change and lead me down new paths.