Brains!

I stepped in the hot milk and honey water and tried to sink down as far as I could in it. The tub was too shallow too small for me to go under. But I wanted to so bad, because it’s quiet under there, a cloistered quiet. A strange unfamiliar fear lapped up around my chin. This was not my aim. I sat up a bit. Foam sticking to my body. I reached to turn off the light. Faint and foggy twilight- the steam disrupted the darkness. In the gloom it should have been porcelain cold. I wanted to go to sleep but I knew I would wake up in chilled water- probably white rapids.

Then I drove, I drove all over the city where they say the angels live. I think I have met one or two. Actually you know what it’s safe to say more then a few. I think they are the people with the eyes that you can’t help but look at, and suddenly sometimes you are too afraid to. The ones you find in your pocket, the ones who you cant wait to see-who have gone away soon to return.

I licked my lips and tasted pineapple; I wiped them with the back of my arm. I hadn’t eaten pineapple in days. My hands still faintly smelled of white spruce. I thought about deep woods, deeper then the ocean, the woods of fairytales. I tilted my head to see if maybe I could hear the wind in the wheat, and I could almost hear it whispering something simple and sweet.

On the canals that the Abbot Kinney himself dug from the slime of Venice I was cradled by the bow of a small boat. Christmas lights in June. Warm enough except for the easterly blowing winds. And I thought about how far I have come, how I keep saying how damn far ive come.