Thursday, May 26, 2005
I feel sort of hollow. it's kinda of strange in that i never expected it, and i realize it is another spectrum i never thought could exist. even though I avoided the gamble it seems I still lost. i dont know where i stand now, i dont think there really is anywhere to stand really. no where that is level and the horizon definite and the path clear as water. the door slammed shut, without even a glow from underneath.
i dont really understand what my problem is and thats why i cant really fix it. I dont know why its not there, and i cant find it no matter how hard i search. and its the strangest thing to see someone so sad, all of it my doing. i have tried so hard to avoid such things, and on accident i stumbled upon it and i feel like my arms are loosing thier strength. it's like a cousin to depression. a strange little cousin, the quiet one. it's amazing how much things change....i wonder why i was so blind to think it wouldnt just by saying no. but i was blinded by my opitmism. and its done something horrible in the end. and i feel like everyone is now pulled in. and i didnt want that. i didnt even think of that. why is it that i keep ruining good things? why do i keep failing?
3 comments:
by keeping things vague it makes it easier for people to relate. this is why i like to read your posts; i feel i can relate. what's more is, what you are talking about almost necessitates vagueness. this makes me feel more like i can relate, because much of what i think and write about can't really be defined.
also, you always say awesome things like, 'a cousin to depression.'
hmm, the more i look at this post in particular, the more i'm thinking it isn't vague. so many things you say are 'exactly' how i feel or've felt.
i've always thought most of my writing sounded depressive and would make others feel depressed or they'd reject it outright. but it makes me feel good to realize that it makes me feel good when i read your writing which i believe is so similar in tone to my own.
but i also feel bad for you. good luck!
I used to write for other people. I used to write a certain way, try so hard at it, becuase i was writing in case someone read it.
Then for a while i just couldnt write, i realized it was because i was squishing out things instead of just letting them drip out on thier own. so i started writing for myself. I think that is why my writing is so vague. Because i dont have to explain what it is im trying to explain, i just jump into the analysis. I have all these sayins and symbols and such and i know exactly what they represent but other folks dont.
But it's strange and really quite cool for lack of a better word, that our writing styles are so similar. I love that we can relate. keep writing!
me too, thanks!
(i write for the same reasons, mostly)
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