Brains!

I realize what I wrote about the NPS was an incredibly negative summary. In fact, even at work people are starting to call me "downer Caitlin'. I get into a negative routine for days or weeks at a time. Whether its from self criticism, losing hope in humanity, or everything piling up at once on top of me. I didn't even hear bad news until after I wrote the NPS post, but I was already down. When I got home, I received more billing for my surgery. Of course it pushed me over the edge. This morning, I walked around the corner to get early morning tea, and watched this prick sit in his brand new Mercedes for 30 minutes, with the engine turned on while he talked on his cell phone. No wonder the world is so fucked up.

Anyway, for a long time I think I forgot how to tune in to some things. I had to work very hard to learn how to see them in the first place. To notice the subtleties. But this weekend I suddenly noticed the things only I get to see all over again. The things only I get to hear. And although they're so small, so unnoticeable, they are special to me. Even so it's hard to survive on these things. I'm not sure if the reward is worth the sparsity.