Brains!

sometimes i find myself so utterly paranoid, frightened of everything out there that could be beautiful and terrorizing all at once. but then i am wrapped in arms, i sit up right and i pay attention, i think of the times to be had, the times i have had. How much these things really mean to me. make me feel so safe, and then i can go on a conquer what ever i want. All i want is independence and at the same time thats what scares me most. I hate the thought of someone taking care of me, being a burden but in the end thats all i want. to feel protected so that in my own world i can do what i want. achieve things with the knowledge of that safety net. i will take the risks, if i know there is at least one person who wont judge me if i fail-will catch me when i do and never let go. i wonder if my dreams are my mind making up scenarios where i need protection from the end. ive begun to not want to think so far ahead in my life. im scared of what will end, what ill turn into. that i wont have anything, anyone and purpose. so i go day by day, go with the flow day by day and and do what seems right each day.