Brains!

I’m completely irrational. But last night I did cry, a long time. My post which I hap hazard spell checked once and then posted has a lot of issues besides just the grammatical errors. After my crying I lay still, more still then I have for a long time, my eyes burning but the rest of my body felt lifeless. I missed sober crying, or rather the feeling after it. I fell asleep for a little bit, in which I had a dream that it was morning, and Grant asked “was anyone over last night, I heard a lot of noise”, I just said “I had a rough night”. The dream ended. I woke up and read a little bit of my second Avalon book, searching for the inspiration that had guided me along all this time ago, the strength of the maiden/mother in my life, and it did not come, I only achieved more stillness. I fell asleep and dreamed nothing of my life, and woke up in a surprisingly good mood. Then remembered that morning was always the best time of the day and the late evenings the worst. Either way, I go now to face in person one of my troubles. I figure if I don’t go, I wont ever heal, I wont ever go again. And frankly the way I’m feeling is the least I deserve. I had it coming to me, and I don’t deserve to ask for happiness or love from anyone.