Brains!

i dont like that almost every night this week, ive gotten into bed, freezing cold, crying and ultimately a mess. with the recent transfer, it can only mean even less contact with jordan. with my account expiring, even less human interaction as a whole. i can already feel next week, taking me by the neck with extreme loneliness and dragging me across the hard concrete. i know it sounds emo, i know its dramatic. but its true. i feel like im slipping. i had a couple good days, but morning and evenings are the worst. i can hardly stand it. sometimes i am so curious to know how much he misses me. i guess it silly, and writing this could cause some kind of reaction, but i've never been one to hide what im really feeling. i guess in these dreary lonely hours, i turn into a sappy romantic, wanting him to say oh i miss you all the time. Or maybe i've been a sap this whole time, and ive been fooling myself. its all a result of extreme lack of physical contact and comfort of having someone important around me, decline in communication or interaction is probably a better word, and the sudden increase in stress, being stood up for the millionth time in four years, and general want to be with my damn boy, in a place that is not here.

In order to counter act this I've written down all the things I want to do, discover, have, love, etc. that are feasible in the near future.
-Jordan
-relax, and try to just live for once without any extreme responsibilities. no more damn due dates.
-get job[s] save money, something to do with interpreting, travel, tour etc.
-go on a really really long vacation/travel trip, hopefully new zealand and australia
-go to yellowstone
-internship with sca? park interpreter perhaps? landscape and place analysis
-figure out where i could see myself, living, working. is it in the US? do I even want to be in a place static? or would i be more suited to be moving around a lot, at least at first.
These are the things I need to FIND OUT and i need to live them to do it.