Brains!

When I was getting in my car I realized there was a slight expression behind a usually stone exterior. I wondered what it meant? I looked searchingly into his completely honest face, and got the strangest sensation that there were things wanted to be said, but being held back. I wasn’t disappointed at all though, the look itself was enough, more then I expect and get usually. I felt the tears welling up, and the last thing I wanted to do was shut the door, but I was also frightened to let it all out. I got in the car and then it came, and I cried for a little while, wanting so much to call, but knowing it would just make it harder. So I cast a steel rod through my spine, to support me as I drove up to Stanford. I don’t want to know what the darkness and frozen cave of my room in Humboldt will have waiting for me night tomorrow. I can almost feel the shadows of last October and November creeping up, utter loneliness. I’m sooo tired, and all I want to do is sleep with my nose kissing the nape of his neck.