Brains!

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My blog could be considered a dangerous thing. I don't think it is. Everything I write is completely honest. Some posts are commentary, some posts are stories, some are boring, some are fun. Most often it's a window into the part of my subconscious that cannot be communicated verbally. It's meant to be the place I spill, organize and store my abstract hidden things. You can really access a lot about me through the blog, and it's partially there for that purpose. To find out the things I cannot say, and don't necessarily need to be said. But its also a tool for me, the process of writing/blogging is therapy in some sense. However, there's a lot missing. To read it, and to think that it is all of me, would be very wrong. That's why it can be misleading. A lot of people read it, and they misinterpret. No one really knows what I actually mean by a lot of the things I say, and that's not my problem. Like I said, its only there partially for the purpose of letting people into that part of me, the rest is there for me, for my subconscious to come out. To take it literally would be a dangerous thing for the reader.

Important Pieces

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along. - Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The poet Rilke was afraid that if he got rid of his demons, he would lose his angels as well. Of course the danger of clinging to our demons to save our angels is that our demons may well take over." - Tim Farrington

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is-and still not caring.
- Tom Robbins

Work
I got up, got in my car and went. That was that. Didn't think about it one way or the other. Somehow I arrived work, did it, and left. Did that really happen?

Tomorrow I have class.
What a weird concept. It's in the math building, on the main campus. Like most things happening to me these days, I probably won't realize it's happening till I'm there.

I guess people like me.
Maybe I should start acting like a bimbo, start lying, stop being punctual, stop being so open. MAYBE I should stop complaining and embrace the fact that I'm pretty damn unique and pretty damn desirable. I guess I'm just not used to it, juggling it? I swear half the time I'm not even meaning to...most of the time I feel like, I'm just minding my own business, or just being myself, or not even trying and then it just happens. Um oops?

These things tie in to the next bit.

Shock
I'm not sure if things that are going to happen to me aren't settling because I've been suspended in some sort of 'shock' psychosis. I mean I put a hold the reality of being back home for two days when I arrived, and now here I sit at my desk, and I still don't feel like I'm conscious. I think back to moments this weekend, to Australia, to things before, and wonder if they happened? Did I dream those things? I look forward to Humboldt, and I feel like...yes I'll be there, but that's all. It's like I'm in a constant state of indifference. Sometimes I feel like I'm feeling something, but I can't hold on to it. I'm so confused, and pretty damn lost clearly. Or maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be? I'm wondering if I ever felt anything before? Or maybe I have been, and I just am not recognizing it? Dude I'm freaking myself out...

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Important Pieces

Monday, June 21, 2010

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