Brains!

I've been neglecting posting here, because most of what is going on in my life is too personal for the world wide web at the moment. But what I can post about is the fact that I may have come to a stopping point in therapy. Meaning I met the goals I had going in. If I were to stay on, I would only receive positive benefits, but I would not lose what I have already gained. I really have to decide, although my financial situation may become the ultimate deciding factor anyway. Next session we're treating a closing session, it's sort of going to be a summary of where we've been. I've already mentioned that when I think back to who I was before, and who I was during, and who I am after I see 3 very different people. All of them are strangers to me. It's hard to imagine me and my lifestyle now being so stifled for two years. It's hard to imagine that I could hardly sleep at night, couldn't or eat or do anything without crying for the better part of two months. And now I don't recognize this new and brilliant person who's been born of those circumstances. But it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I still feel the pain sometimes. It passes faster these days, but it's still there. Even when I can pinpoint why. Sometimes it's literally just seeing an icon, which is usually all I can see, or will see. It's usually when I hear something about the present, not really the past anymore. I also get sad when I think about my own future, it not working out, it slowing down, getting stuck where I'm at. But it's not as scary, because I'm taking, and have been taking so many steps to get what I want. I'm proud of myself for those things. And I know if I put my best effort in, then I'm not going to let anyone down, and I ultimately that means I won't let myself down either.

In the meantime I'm discovering the meaning of relationships, and how varied and wondrous they can be. If you keep your heart open, you can find connections with the most unlikely people, and those connections can be just as unlikely and unexpected in content and variety. The human heart is capable of amazing things, if you are in tune with it. Don't lie to yourself, don't pretend to be someone else, keep it open.