Brains!

For all those people who say i will not be able to do it, that im stupid, that i wont last, that ill smell i want to say this. im already boring enough, i need all the freaking support i can get here. i need to live here, try something get good at something. do you understand? if i dont im worthless, im mediocre at a bunch of things and not good at one thing.

I come from upstairs and sit on the arm chair. my dad is fast asleep on the brown leather couch in front of the TV. He does this all the time, turns on the tv and takes a nap. he's like a dog in that he can sleep anywhere, and now in writing this i realize i can do the same thing. anyways the tv is turned up loud and i look to see whats on. It's the movie "the black swan", Tyrone Power handsome, too handsome for a real pirate fights some "badies" as my dad would say with his foil. i sit down and watch and its so great because ive seen it before. the lady enters and the music turns all soft and weepy like lace on a table. and i find myself wishing i could be a swashbuckling pirate guy with a sword. swinging between boats all in the name of the queen. next will be a cowboy movie and my dad will tell me about when he was my age he would watch these movies over and over and think that it was actually happening in front of him, that the west still had to be won from the nasty indians.

I think about these many many many occasions and i realize how much i still wish like the little kid i used to be. so yes this is a real thing i want to do, i want to see my hands in taters, my skin brown like a polynesian. I was to hang on for dear life while the mast swings 15 feet one way and 15 feet the other. The Lady Washington could be the best thing to ever happen to me, if i can get to do it.