Light

Light
Originally uploaded by skinnymalinkee.

I forgot where it all started. Where the spark actually came from, I know where it burned, still burns and glows sometimes fading in and out like the sun through the leaves in the forest. And then we watch American Beauty, and although it’s just a movie, it reminds me of that first step that I took of a staircase that went up and down and spiraled out of control. And then it tapers out to a straight path- the keystone so that everything can smooth out like paper and that is when you see the beauty. I have always been looking for it since. American Beauty, The Thin Red Line and The Secret Life of Bees remind me that I need to keep looking for it, even on the jagged parts of the path, where you seem to be climbing a ladder or falling down where the land suddenly fell away. If I can keep this as a reminder folded up in my mind perhaps I could keep myself going more effortlessly, learn how to fly over those misshapen steps. But there never a going to be a perfect way of walking, you can never really be as stable and uncompromised mentally as you might think. Unless you lived a thousand years, because this lifespan does not give us enough time to be wise, things will always come along that you are not ready for, you have not prepared for and you will have to battle and cry or laugh and love and then above all learn and grow. Help those who come next.

I guess I am trying to say that this is where my spectrum of emotion that I am always talking about comes from. I want to feel it all to its fullest extent, and so now I devote my heart entirely to the things I have a passion for. The things and people I love. I do not know if I am alone in this, and I wonder if I will ever find someone who feels the same great tug towards some light that I do. If I would ever find them if they were out there. But perhaps and now that I think about it, obviously everyone lives differently and sees the world, approaches it uniquely. That in itself is beautiful.