Brains!

I had to be a little bit loose at first, but the response wasn't what I expected, in fact it turned out to be exactly what I wanted though. It was perfect in that it was exactly what it needed to be.

For me the week right after is the most painful. Because I am so suddenly deprived of it. Then I eventually get used to it, and readjust in to long distance mode. Waiting out the lonely days, with a strange sense of limbo, like I'm suspended between my old life in Humboldt, and my newish life in SoCal. I can't really be in either place fully, plus I don't really want to accept Humboldt back, mostly because its all so deeply rooted with the life I had with James here, which I no longer care for. So I'm not so productively waiting... All though I've been sick as hell, I suppose that is an excuse for not getting on top of my shite. I've never seen so much mucus in my life.

Anyway, going back to the issue of "missing", I always go through a stage of regret right after I leave. That I didn't do something. Could be related to the sex, could be related to the kissing, could be anything really. I usually promise myself, when I head down, oh just fucking do this, he'll like it, stop being a pussy. And then when I get down there, I don't. I know it's cause I'm scared of rejection. That what I do will be "freakish". It's beyond silly, and I'm not sure why my self confidence has gone out the window.

Tonight I'm facing both things, that regret and utter loneliness at sudden separation. I miss him so much. I wish I could appreciate him more when I am in SoCal, I don't know why I've become so guarded and distant towards people. I guess thats what happens, you just loose the capability of letting go and letting in.

This is a quiz I took...its freakishly dead on...
How Sexually Adventurous Are You?
Your Results:
A Little Bit Curious
You're intrigued by the idea of experimenting, but something holds you back. Maybe you think nice girls don't do naughty things or that you're not sexy enough to have “really sexy sex.” Or maybe you're worried that your partner might think you're a freak. It's OK to have some doubts or concerns. But keep in mind that nice girls do have fabulously naughty sex. Your partner certainly thinks you're sexy enough, and chances are he'd love to experiment because you'd be doing it together. Test the waters by sharing one of your favorite fantasies with your partner, and suggest acting it out. Feeling tongue-tied? Reading some erotic bedtime tales together, like Alison Tyler's Naughty Stories from A to Z, can certainly help get things started.