Brains!

Unfortunately, no matter how great going home, and being around Jordan was for spring break, it cost $700. $400 of which was spent on car related things such as gas, tires, services. I keep looking ahead to the summer these days, and realizing how shitty its going to be.

It's not likely I'll get a well paying job, even though I'll have a degree...I just feel it in my bones, that I've not had enough outside of academic experience to really guarantee me a job in anything related to geography. In order to save money, I'll have to work two shitty jobs.

Gas prices will only go up, and a Volvo is literally the most impractical car in regards to that. If I sell the Volvo, then I'll be limited to where I can work, based on bus routes.

I'll be living with my mother again, which I already know will lead to tension, and eventually I'll want to kill myself.

Ultimately all these things lead to a few truths. I won't be able to see Jordan when I want to; work, lack of transport and money will probably get in the way. I'll save money, perhaps travel even (which is my short term goal: graduate, work, save, go some place for a long time. if he wanted to, I would love for Jordan to come with me, but what if that doesn't happen. what if I screwed that up with my failures in LV?), but when I come back from traveling, I'll be back in the exact same place. I just wasted four years of my life, and now have no security after May 17th.