Brains!

On a separate but related note... I would like to talk about what happened in Vegas, I mean I've written a lot about it, but nothing to sum it up. Mostly, like I said, I reverted to this inward childish freak. I think last semester I was so high strung, so freaking crazy, that this semester I've gone along a completely opposite route, that of complete apathy. It's weird. I can't.
I can't find my enthusiasm. And maybe it's just been so long since I went anywhere for fun...that I really just don't know what I'm supposed to do when I travel. I've only been places with my parents, and friends, and that was years ago it seems, when everything was planned out by an adult, when I was underage. Then I came to school. Never able to save enough money to do it, but always been jealous of all these resourceful kids going places. Seeing the hundreds and hundreds of slides from my professors, my entire major, revolves around landscapes, and going places. But when I did it, and with someone totally more applicable to these situations, the kind of person I left James to find, I screwed up. What happened? Have I been lying to myself all these years? Or is it that I'm rusty, or nooby? Is it that Vegas didn't do it for me at first? Is everything I've based my life around, false? I do know the Hoover dam was intriguing, and I thoroughly enjoyed that, I suppose thats what I'm most interested in, how the landscape was affected/history/people etc. God if only there were a job, that didn't include writing analytical papers on that kinda shite, I would be set. I loved being there with Jordan, mostly because he never wanted to stop. I was the one who ruined it. If I travel to some other country, will I just sit in the hostel? What I see happening, is looking up shit I want to do/see both for fun and knowledge in the places I visit, having a saved set of travel money to spend. I think those two things would probably help.
But now I'm going through all this self doubt. Bah...stupid ass blank wall...