Brains!

Book...
I finished this book and I'd like to say how I felt like Barbara Sher was in my mind. It's a work book, it's almost like one of those puzzle books, that as you write through it, it leads you to logical profound conclusions. Everything I am reading, or working out from the book I am already doing. Delving right back into who I really am to really figure out what I should be doing. My god that's all in Chapter 10. I made my own network again, or as Sher calls it, a 'success team'. I asked Anna for connections to my therapist. I called Eva about the park. Applied for school, so I could gain more opportunities. I actively sought out people who could help me reach my goals. Chapter 6 my childhood. Chapter whatever, my disinterest. Chapter this, fear of success not of failure, because it's dangerous. I could go on and on about every single thing that relates to what I worked through in this book and what I'm already working through in my head.

I could say I'm really lucky that I found the perfect therapist, the perfect self-help book, the perfect whatever. But I don't think it's luck. I really think I've found those things, because I actively looked for them. If I were still on the path of self dejection then I wouldn't have done what I've done. I used my resources, or my 'success team' as Sher calls it. And I am so deep into me because I am completely open to it. I want things truly.

After going inwards, really discovering where my roots are in this whole who am I? and what I want to do and what makes me happy and why am I a half filled human journey. When I feel like I've done everything I could possibly want to do for me, when I'm finished preparing for my future, there is downtime for my demons to come back in. It could be any number of things. Eventually I have to acknowledge my emotions. I try desperately to exhale them as quickly as I inhale them. Dwelling on them isn't something I want to do. I seem to think it's some step backwards. But I've been encouraged to do embrace them by everyone Sher, Dr., Mom etc.

The only way I can describe it, is facing my fears. It's like melting an ice block in your chest. Once it's gone its air, and it can leave you as quickly as it comes in. You see everyday I win a psychological battle with myself. It's sooo painful. But I feel so amazing, like I'm freed after I go through it. That everything is possible. I can push on after winning. Brightness comes back in, I fill up again.

Remember how I was talking about a tool kit? One of the best ways to literally pull up my boot straps, is to think simply. Sometimes I get bogged down in circles of ridiculous thoughts. Then I breathe and I just go for simplicity. I'll ask myself out loud, why do people believe in me? Believe in my potential. It's easy for them. If it's so easy for them, then it is sooo easy for me to believe too! That suddenly dawned on me one day. The ease. Every time I remind myself of that I feel incredibly empowered.

The world believes in me right? Of course it does. I don't have to ask. If the world didn't believe in me, I wouldn't be here. Everyone knows I'm strong enough to come out on top. That I could get through this. Although it's painful this inward journey had to happen at some point. I'm not saying I believe in fate, but I do believe enough of something causes an inevitable outcome.