Brains!

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My blog could be considered a dangerous thing. I don't think it is. Everything I write is completely honest. Some posts are commentary, some posts are stories, some are boring, some are fun. Most often it's a window into the part of my subconscious that cannot be communicated verbally. It's meant to be the place I spill, organize and store my abstract hidden things. You can really access a lot about me through the blog, and it's partially there for that purpose. To find out the things I cannot say, and don't necessarily need to be said. But its also a tool for me, the process of writing/blogging is therapy in some sense. However, there's a lot missing. To read it, and to think that it is all of me, would be very wrong. That's why it can be misleading. A lot of people read it, and they misinterpret. No one really knows what I actually mean by a lot of the things I say, and that's not my problem. Like I said, its only there partially for the purpose of letting people into that part of me, the rest is there for me, for my subconscious to come out. To take it literally would be a dangerous thing for the reader.

Important Pieces

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they’re in each other all along. - Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The poet Rilke was afraid that if he got rid of his demons, he would lose his angels as well. Of course the danger of clinging to our demons to save our angels is that our demons may well take over." - Tim Farrington

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is-and still not caring.
- Tom Robbins

Waiting for responses on three more legitimate jobs. Plus inquiring at the Park...again. But harassment is the only way to get any fucking where.

Today has been really hard. When you leave an angry house, to come back to one. It's hard when there is no one to turn to. There is just me. And its horrible, lonely, distant, exactly what I never wanted, still don't want, and why I think humans are generally so sad. Yet we have to fucking go on, 'what are you going to do sit on the floor and cry?' I ask myself, "where the fuck did that get anyone?" and I get up and I fucking get back to the strength. I'm founding new paths. I'm so strong, and I have been. I sometimes think I'm the strongest person I know. I'm tested all day everyday. Sometimes I fail, but I learn. Sometimes I succeed and I am proud. It's not to say I think the future isn't bright. But in those horrible horrible moments I'm drown in oil. Having them is normal, it's getting out of them that's important.

When the place you live no longer becomes the safe haven, you get pushed. I think I underestimate the power my parents have over me. And in therapy, it's starting to become the focal point of my entire life. I'm not blaming anything on them. It's just the way it was. But now I'm starting to reject it, the tension couldn't be more testing.

This Blog

Important Pieces

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

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