Brains!

I'm good at waiting, and it's a terrible thing. However, sometimes there are things out of your control that you have to wait for. Like I'm waiting for the AAA to send me paperwork to reinstate the Volvo, so that I can finally get that thing out of my window's view. Waiting for the call to pick up the Daewoo. After leaving an insistent message practically offering myself over as her slave, I am waiting for my boss to tell me she needs me to come in, fix the filing disaster I caused. Waiting for employers to contact me for interviews. Waiting for bedtime to come. Waiting for morning to come. Waiting for my damn life to start.

What I've always had a problem with, is what I do in that waiting time. I don't realize that your life doesn't just magically start. It's going on now. In the past week I've poured myself into activities. I think I forgot to have fun. When you're half a human, when you're life revolves around pay checks, it's easy to get lost in the seriousness of the situation. But there are hundreds of ways to amuse oneself that don't involve TV, in order to better yourself in the meantime. Reading. Writing. Drawing. Organizing. Exercising. ETC...

I always like to think I'm open minded. I'm open to new things. But I'm actually the opposite. I say NO a lot. About everything, and I need to stop. For years I've been saying NO to my friends about seeing a professional, and today I'm doing it at 6pm. I said NO to new activities, good example archery. I said NO to new people. And I said NO to old people. All these NOs come from confidence, and shying away from anything that might tear me away from my angels. What have I said YES to? I've said YES to my blog. I've said YES to bowling. I said YES to concerts. I said YES to bed stuffs, but I also said NO. I said YES to college. I said YES to the Green Team, even though no one else gives a damn.

There is so much to me. I don't need to be a stone, nor do I need to be a door mat, nor to I need to be an empty glass. Over the past week, I've tried to make myself stronger through my writing. Trying to discover things I'd lost. I believe I'm doing a good job. It's helping me with poison torso, and it's the only way I can get through it.