Brains!

It's occurred to me that I have been living off of grapefruit juice for a while, and it's the exact reason I get an upset tummy anytime I try to eat anything else, and soooo I have to keep drinking it. Vicious circle. I'm overdosing if you will. Some is good, but not a lot, and I've been drinking like two glasses a day practically. It's messing with the acidity in my stomach.

I've started writing for that Sun Magazine submission. And I find I'm having a hard time focusing the topic with specifics. I'm sort of doing the Caitlin's philosophical approach. Which isn't bad, but needs a lot of honing. I'm not giving up though. If you want something bad enough, anything is possible.

Everyone keeps asking me about Austin. It's a hard answer to give. I don't think it would be a cure-all for the fundamental issues I've been addressing this past week about myself. I've watched my sister bounce all over the place, and seen how her escapist attitude has only made her worse. But at the same time I'm not my sister. I have the power to be whoever I want to be where ever I want to be. Yes Austin is some place I've considered living for years, but there are many other places too. And because my sister is there, it would be easier. When the move became an adventure with Jordan, it's hands down the exact thing I want. Doing it together, because I knew our companionship could really create a great success story. That option is up in the air, but there is no reason to think it couldn't happen still. But I must consider me, and what I want to do in the future, and what this decision means for my personal growth. I've also just started this therapy. Not that I couldn't restart that in Austin, or anywhere for that matter. But like I said, you're the same person where ever you go. However I'm confident I could do whatever I wanted, and make it work. Sometime you just need to do something and jump. Just as long as I don't lose sight of continuing to discover me, and that I feel like is still in the early stages. I guess I'm just lost in the woods over this particular matter. And I consider that normal. It's a big decision, and I think I underestimated the big decision when I was blinded by my demons in order not to lose my angels. I'm not frightened, it's more like I want to pick the best possible decision for me. What is going to make me happy.