Brains!

I hate him for he's done to me, mostly because I can't sleep. If I could sleep at least I'd have some solid hours of peace. I could be angry all day, but at least during sleep I'd have some respite. I still come back around to thoughts of why, and those will never go away and I hate him for that too. I hate that was so mean throughout the whole thing. I hate that I'm going to miss him. I hate that I'm blaming myself. I hate that I can't get it into my head that he should be the only one who is sorry. I hate that he doesn't love me anymore. I hate so much. I get so angry at night. I hate that I can't find relief, and everyone's words roll off me. I hate that I'm scared again, when I had so much hope in myself before. I hate that I'm used to being alone, or rather I'm used to the feeling of wanting not to be alone. I hate crying my eyes are swollen. I hate the weird knot in my chest that I can't purge myself of. I hate so much. I hate that nothing makes me feel better. I hate that the TV doesn't distract me anymore. I hate that I can't get warm, I can't stay cool. I hate fall asleep for an hour and waking up for the next 2. I hate that my neck hurts. I hate that night time is so long. I hate that I can't see that this is the best thing to happen to me. I hate the memories. I hate wondering what I was doing while he was with her. I hate wondering about what he will do with his life. I hate caring about whether or not he is going to be a better person. I hate that he gets to escape. I hate that he's successful. I hate that I'm not. I hate feeling like I have nothing going for me. I HATE EVERYTHING. I hate not being happy. I hate hating.