Brains!

It's really hard to wake up in the morning, whereas before I was up at 4am most days. Now I have to peel myself from the blankets, like a digustin bruised banana. This morning floating in and out of sleep I dreamt, that
Jordan came to my house late, and slept in my bed, so I woke up sleeping next to him in my dream.

The way certain symbols and dreams have been coming and going in my life, it's hard to ignore them. It's like something wants me to listen deeper. Jordan's drawer, a black cat, 3X5 cards with wow things on them, are all triggers, but I'm talking about things that seem to coincide so completely with what is actually happening in reality. The first day, I discovered one of the strings I made for his ankle, on the floor, torn. Around the 2nd to last week, the string on my wrists started to fray. I tied more on, didn't matter. Two days before the 15th and after the Sunday, I had the nightmare dream.

Sadly the dream I had this morning...I don't think that has anything to do with reality, but maybe something more to do with my wants.

PS. If I hadn't operated based on the past, if I wasn't afraid, if I wasn't living my life based on perameters, I would have said 'I love you' everday.