Brains!

sigh...too much. For so long.

Human hearts are also full of monstrous ways to be cruel and unfair too. I feel like I have been living for 8 weeks wondering if I am responsible for someone's death. Only to find out that I am I not, but that person died months earlier, and I love a ghost.

I just want to feel whole again, want to be held again, sleep well again. I shouldn't have been placed in this position of wondering if I can ever get there again. I thought tears were behind me...shouldn't I be angry?

I guess I'm still in shock that he could be so mean to me, blame me, and let me live like this for so long. How people can live in a constant state of conflict is beyond me. It's what is wrong with humans, no one wants to make things work, make things right, work together. He should be trying everything to make peace, with himself and those he's hurt. Especially me, it is the decent thing to do. The honest thing to do.

Maybe I am projecting myself too much...but I feel like I deserve answers, and so much more. Deserve decency for once. I deserve to feel good about myself.