Brains!

The following is a culmination (edited for readability) of what I wrote in my wish journal since last monday.
"In my dreams, imaginary ghost guy shows up at my house. He says he's sorry over and over. He can't believe that even now he cannot give himself to me, but that he wants to. He'd do anything to make it work, make it up to me. That he'd try to fall in love with me, a second chance. That he knows I'm the only one with the patience, that could give him that chance to grow. 'You're amazing', 'good job', 'you'll be great at that'. I'm not saying I wasn't encouraged, but this imagninary ghost guy wants to speak those words to me. Even though we go our separate ways, he wants me to know he cares, that he misses me, he'll think about me, and what he's lost, he's riddled with guilt over his actions. He's worried he'll do it again to other people, and not just me, that I won't be the only one to feel like this under his stone. Somewhere down the line I've grown, I'm put into action my empathy and forgiveness...we speak again. It's explained why there was so much holding back, what the real reasons were we were void of certain things. To what end it doesn't matter, but that affirmation that I was an important person is acknowledged, that I'm not forgotten."

Australia
Since I was 14 I've wanted to go, and now I'm doing it. A dream I had before falling love. Something completely unrelated to boys and relationships...it will be a vacation of the mind, as much as a vacation from LA. I hope it jumpstarts something in me...but I also worry it won't. I've said this for a while now, you are the same person no matter where you go. Why therapy is so important to me. To become the better person I know I can be, for me.