Brains!

Have you seen that god awful sexist movie "He's Just Not That In to You"...meh...don't when you're sad. And the Jennifer Connely story line hit way too close to home.

I was numb yesterday, but it's clear I'm frustrated. Even though I have no interest in dating anyone at all, I don't think I could find what I want in any person. There is no perfect person.

Being reminded of what I was like in ancient years, is like peering into some weird ass dream that I forgot years ago. But I had to block a lot out in order to function. Even so, some of the stories filled me with hope, because I reached that pinnacle of emotion before. Yet even at that high point, it faded, and is completely gone. There were so many other things, that I just can't live with. So the hope is tarnished. There is no perfect person or perfect relationship. You don't have one soulmate, there are many. They come to you when you want and need them, your heart seeks them out. I don't think it's possible to be with one person...you have to be a damn near god of communication, honesty, and truth to make it work...and even then, people fall out of love...because people change, and wants and needs change. What's the damn point? No wonder people close down, shut down, and die inside.

At least I know, people can forgive...at some point, people can talk again, even become friends in some weird way. But it takes years...it really does. You have to become completely disconnected, there is just too much pain, too many memories, too many habits that must be completely demolished.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, or why. I thought being laid back and going with the flow worked...but I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe it's impossible for me to be that person. Analysis paralysis. Does it really matter anyway? Am I relating to anyone out there?